Whatever Tomorrow Brings
by Ceillean
Summary: Dear Diary Challenge Two Sisters deal with everyday life within the Star Wars universe
1. Chapter 1

_Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void. _

_– Author unknown_

"You're cold inside."

My little sister mumbled these few words before she fell asleep. I don't suppose she knows how much those words hit me. I was more than just a little surprised.

I've been trying my best to keep my innermost feelings to myself, to show her that life still goes on even though both of us have lost so much over the past few years. I've tried to be a sister and an ersatz Mom and I dearly hope I've done a good job so far.

But it's hard.

The two of us have been on our own for almost five years now. Our parents were killed when the first wave of Yuuzhan Vong entered our galaxy. They had been on vacation and I remember telling them to enjoy themselves since they hardly ever left to be on their own.

They never came back.

Ti'ana and I ended up as refugees when our home had been evacuated. Months turned into years until we were finally able to settle down and watch from afar, as the Vong threat was neutralized.

And we've lived in peace ever since and I'm utterly grateful to finally be living a half way decent life. But hearing my ten-year-old sister say I am cold inside…

It's an indescribable feeling – because she's right.

I've tried my best to keep everything bottled up inside; I guess I wasn't doing a good enough job.

Considering that she's everything I've got left, considering that our entire family's been wiped out and considering that the place we once called home is destroyed, I'm not surprised that the coldness is slowly but surely seeping through.

My current mood matches the weather outside. There's a storm raging in front of my window. I'm enjoying watching a silver stream of water running down the streets, listening to the rain hammering away against the transparasteel. The wind's howling, blowing up dirt and debris, twirling it around in the air.

Sometimes I get the feeling that this is the planet's way of expressing itself. It's a silly thought, I know, but what if rain was its tears? The wind its way of telling us to back off a bit?

I'm trying to pass the time and I'm babbling again. I'm not good at expressing myself with words. This is my first try at a journal and I suppose I'll just have to see how this turns out.

Someone once told me it would be very interesting to read the pages in a few years, smiling at the written words and shaking my head in amazement at what had bothered me when starting this journal.

Instead of dwelling on the past, I'll look ahead into the future. There's still so much out there that we haven't seen yet and I promised Ti'ana that I would try to show her everything her little heart desires.

To do so I have to find a decent job. And there's nothing here on this barren rock. I applied for various jobs on Denon and I have an interview in a few days.

Ti'ana is so excited to leave for space again. When she's old enough I'm sure she'll do something with space ships or the like. She's fascinated by the stars, by the black endlessness of space.

Just like our father.

I'm hoping Denon holds more for us. Maybe then we can start forgetting about the war – even if only one step at a time. My main goal is for Ti'ana to live normally.

It can't be that hard to give to her what she deserves, can it?


	2. Chapter 2

_In the middle of every difficulty, lies opportunity. _

We arrived on Denon yesterday morning. The flight was more comfortable than I had expected and Ti'ana was – for lack of a better word – exhilarated once she set foot onto the small passenger liner. She began telling me about all the quirks this particular ship had. To be honest I have no clue what it was she was saying but it brought a big smile to her precious little face as she told me everything she knew.

To me, she seemed to be speaking in a different language. I only understood half of her techno babble.

The spaceport was packed when we exited the ship. I told Ti'ana to stay close. All these different people from various species reminded me too much of the time we were running. Ana, of course, was overly excited. She kept pointing at aliens she hadn't seen before, asking me questions I had no way of answering. I had thought I had about seen every alien within the Galactic Alliance but it seems I was wrong.

We made it to customs and had to stand in line for almost an hour. A young Bothan male attended to us and I still have this feeling that he doesn't like humans too much. His questions were short, his answers even shorter and his whole being screamed out to me: _Go back to where you came from_.

A very unfriendly Bothan, one I'm sure not to forget too soon.

Our first stop was a place called "The Home Company". An elderly woman I had talked to before leaving had a few apartments we were to look at. It was a tiring procedure.

The first two apartments were beautiful. They were located in the middle of the city, the view was breathtaking and I would have loved to move in on the spot. The problem was that our savings didn't even cover the first month of rent.

My hopes of finding a decent place to live diminished with every other apartment we looked at, either being too expensive or downright disgusting to live in.

The best offer we could afford was a one-bedroom, already furnished place (in desperate need of cleaning), thankfully near the spaceport, in a neighborhood I need to get used to first.

Our first night in our new home was very quiet. I listened to Ti'ana talk about all the great things that were laying in wait for us here on Denon. I'm amazed at how much my sister's grown up over the past few months. Sometimes I forget that she's only a ten-year-old child.

Mom and Dad would definitely be proud of their little girl.

I hope we can start over here, lead a normal life with normal every-day problems to deal with. My job interview's in two days and I'm getting nervous. Ti'ana, as usual, is the optimist, always reassuring me that everything will turn out all right.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.


	3. Chapter 3

_The very young do not always do as they are told. –__ All Parents?_

Ti'ana about gave me a heart attack today.

I came home from the job interview around six o'clock this evening. I had told her to stay at home because, in my opinion, it doesn't matter where in the galaxy one resides, a young girl her age has no business wandering the streets by herself.

The interview was all I had expected. I had a long talk with the boss's assistant, a boy – the emphasize lies on boy – half my age, claiming to have all the experience a waiter could need.

It's pathetic, to tell the truth. I've been degraded to a mere server.

I start next week and I'm very glad it all worked out. I'll just have to get used to the idea that I'll have to take orders and run around a stinking restaurant while Ti'ana's in school.

I was deep in thought – I find myself doing this a lot lately – when I entered our building. I dug through my backpack, looking for my key card and stepped into a dark living area.

I would have thought Ti'ana would be watching a holo vid to pass the time, since I'd been gone for almost two hours.

But the place was quiet. All I heard was traffic from the outside and instantly fear settled into the pit of my stomach.

These are the times I wish my little sister would listen to me.

I paced back and forth in the living area while switching through various holo channels, images of her lifeless body crossing my mind, or some maniac hurting her, disfiguring her beyond recognition.

I was shaking all over, hoping that she was alright, that the front door would open any minute and she'd come running in with a smile on her face.

But nothing happened.

I sat down on the sofa for another twenty minutes, my attention fixed on a strange talk show about interracial relationships.

I couldn't take it any more. I jumped up and had one hand already resting on our old com unit when I heard the soft sound of the door buzzer.

I suppose I radiated relief when I gathered Ti'ana up into my arms and just held her for a very long moment.

"I'm sorry, Marrim." She kept saying, hugging me back, "I forgot the time. I wanted to be back before you got home."

I held her at arm's length, (taking in dark smudges around her nose and cheeks) words to chastise her on the tip of my tongue. But I couldn't get myself to scold her. I was just glad that she was home.

"Don't run off like that again, sweetie." I said in a low voice but I did make sure that I was not smiling. If I didn't have the guts to scold her, at least I had to try to show her I was scared to death.

"I don't know how many times I've told you that some people out there aren't the nice people they seem to be. You have to be careful!" I took a deep breath, "If something ever happened to you –"

She hugged me then and kissed my cheek, "I won't run off again, I promise."

After calming down, while cooking dinner for the both of us, I asked Ti'ana what she'd been up to. And once she starts talking, it's severely difficult to make her stop.

"Promise you won't get mad?"

I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh. I hated when she started her stories this way.

"I went back to the space port." She helped set the dinner table while talking, discreetly avoiding my eyes, "I just wanted to take a look around. I ended up in a private section of a hangar bay."

I arched an eyebrow, "They just let you in?"

"Sort of." I noticed she was hiding a smile but I didn't ask any further because she continued talking, "And then I saw the most beautiful ship!" Her voice took on a very high-pitched tone, "Marrim, you should have seen it! It was parked under an open hatch and it was still light outside and the sun was shining and it sparkled!" Her face lit up with every word she uttered.

How could I ever be angry with her when she was so full of joy at seeing a ship?

She started describing the model in detail and I listened to her every word, although not understanding very much of it.

I honestly have no patience with flying vehicles.

"I took a closer look at this baby –"

"Baby?" I asked incredulously as I sat down opposite her, after setting our plates on the table. Hearing her talking about a ship this way was very surprising somehow. To me, her words held so much passion – something that had been missing for a very long time.

"Well, yeah. She is a baby, Marrim. When I'm old enough, I want a ship just like her."

"When you're old enough there'll be different models."

She just shrugged on carried on with her story, "Anyway, I went to take a closer look when the owner of the ship sort of popped up out of the middle of nowhere. He scared the hell out of me."

I dropped my fork and stared at her with wide eyes, "Ti'ana! Language!"

Ti'ana bit her lip and cleared her throat, "Sorry." She ate a mouthful before continuing, "He's a really nice man. He let me help him work on his ship."

I was struck speechless for a moment. "Ana, I thought we've been over this. You don't talk to strangers."

She shook her head, "He's not anymore. His name's Devon and when you know someone's name, that person isn't a stranger anymore." She grinned at me while chewing on her food. "He's so nice, Marrim." She continued without letting me get a single word in between, "He showed me all his neat tools and told a lot about _the Empress_ – it's the ships name, by the way."

She shoved a few bites in between, "He said that if I wanted to and if you're okay with it, I could come help out more often."

I pushed my plate aside and sighed, "Let's talk about this in the morning, alright?"

Ti'ana smiled and nodded, "But you'd have to meet him first. I mean, before I can go back and help him."

"I haven't decided yet."

She finished her last bite and got up to carry her dishes into the kitchen, "I know you too well, sis. And I'm telling you – " her voice got louder when she reached the kitchen, "you'll really like him."

We spend the rest of the evening watching a comedy on the holo net. Ti'ana went to bed on her own – a miracle! – and I've been enjoying a few moments of peace and quiet.

Things seem to be going uphill finally. I just hope it'll stay this was for a little while longer.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm so glad we came here!" Ti'ana exclaimed as she led me through the private section of the space port. The security guards seemed to remember my quirky, little sister and let us pass without question.

I raised my eyebrows but continued on without a word.

It's been a long while since I've seen Ti'ana so full of life. The haunted expression in her dark eyes is slowly fading away and seeing her happy, makes me feel better all together. But this coldness within me will take a very long time to dissipate.

Since we arrived here there hasn't been a night I haven't woken up from a nightmare. I have seen things no one should ever see and I suppose these images will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Imagine a small child screaming for its mother to wake up but she never will. Because her life is drained, because she was literally trampled to death. She had tripped with her son in her arms, hurrying with everyone else to get to an escape vessel.

She had protected her little boy and she had paid with her life. I will never let myself forget this scene, as the little boy clutched at his mothers clothing begging her to wake up and hurry to the ship.

An elderly man had picked him up off the dirty ground and carried him to safety, while the boy wriggled and screamed at the top of his lungs, tears streaming down his chubby face as he was whisked away from his mother.

I wonder sometimes whatever happened to the boy. And I feel so very sorry for him that he'll have to grow up without his mother at his side.

I still shudder at the memory and tears spring to my eyes, both of sorrow and happiness.

Sorrow that so many have lost so much during the war but happiness that Ti'ana and I made it out alive and are able to tell our tale.

After another few minutes, passing various flying machines, Ti'ana stopped in her tracks and pointed towards a silver coated, very large freighter. Even though I'm dumb when it comes to flying vehicles, I do have to admit that _The Empress_ is a beauty.

"See, this is my future baby." Ti'ana said with a wide smile on her face. Her dark eyes twinkled as she gazed up and a sigh escaped her throat, "I wish I were old enough to fly her now." She said with a wistful tone to her voice.

"Maybe I'll take you out for a spin some time." A dark voice said from behind us. "If you're good and your sister's okay with it, of course."

Ti'ana beamed as Devon approached us and all I could do was smile as Ti'ana took my arm and pulled me towards the stranger, "This is my sister Marrim."

I shook hands with Devon and tried taking a good look at him without prying too much.

Taller than I am, short dark blond hair and extraordinarily light blue eyes. These few facts I took in while he returned my polite smile and nodded, "I've heard so much about you." He said.

"I hope Ti'ana hasn't been bothering you too much."

Devon laughed and shook his head, "Not at all. In between all of her questions, she's actually been helping me."

I looked down at Ti'ana and noticed a slight pink blush surfacing on her cheeks and couldn't help but chuckle.

"Are you really serious? Can I fly with you sometime?" she suddenly burst out as if she had just then remembered what Devon had said. He smiled and nodded, "Of course."

The look in Ti'ana's eyes was one of astonishment and awe; her dream of being in a cockpit was finally coming true.

Who was I to interfere?

It was an overwhelming feeling seeing my little sister so full of glee and joy, "Go ahead." I whispered and that's when she jumped up and down and clapped her hands. She gave me one of her famous hugs, which basically means she tries to break my ribs, and beamed up at Devon, "Thank you." She said in a soft and low voice, barely audible.

"Don't worry about it, kid." He said ruffling her hair. He shifted his gaze towards me and that's when I noticed his smile. "You're very, very welcome to join us."

I arched an eyebrow. Of course I'd join them. What did he think? I wouldn't let my little sister on a ship that size without me.

"Whenever suits you the best."

Devon took a deep, exaggerated breath as he gazed down to Ti'ana and I noticed he was hiding a smile, "Hmmm…I don't know. I'm about done working on her. And I've been wanting to take her out for a test drive." He shrugged, "Are the two of you free right now?"

Ti'ana's mouth gaped wide open and she stood there rooted to the ground, "Honestly?"

Devon nodded and shifted his attention back to me, "Unless this isn't a good time."

I shook my head, "Not at all."

He led the way to the boarding ramp and Ti'ana was already telling me all about certain specifications and quirks this model had. I'm pretty sure she already told me all this but I let her finish. I'm hoping she'll remember this moment for a very long time.

Devon suddenly slowed down and when I shifted my gaze towards the boarding ramp, I saw a young woman leaning against the hull, with her arms folded in front of her chest. Devon heaved a sigh, "I'll be right back." He said, "This needs to be taken care of first."

He hurried off to his friend and they walked a distance before they started arguing. Ti'ana wasn't paying attention; her eyes were glued to the ship.

A short while later Devon returned, his face flushed but he kept his smile in place. He led us up the ramp and into the cockpit. I kept my distance and let Ti'ana have her fun.

Even though it's absolutely none of my business, curiosity kicked in and I couldn't help but wonder what Devon and his "friend" had argued about.


	5. Chapter 5

The crazy man let Ti'ana take the controls! She's ten for Force's sake!

Picture me sitting in the back wanting to protest but not getting out a single word, because Ti'ana wouldn't stop jabbering and squealing. I gave up. I shouldn't have but I did.

I have to admit it was a fun ride. Devon's taken good care of his ship. I suspect his favorite color is green; the interior reminded me of a forest. The seat material is something I've never touched before. It looked uncomfortable at first, rough even but it's so soft! I'd love to have furniture made from this material but I'm guessing it's a bit beyond my financial reach at the moment.

Two more days and then it's Ti'ana's first day of school and my first day of work. So far I like Denon. It's hectic in some places, very full but it's wonderful watching people do whatever it is they're doing.

Anyway, Ti'ana's school is almost an hour away from our apartment. She'll have to take public transportation in the mornings and since I have to start work before she leaves… I hope she'll be okay. The school board will send someone to help her find her way for the first few days but after that she'll be on her own.

I'm confident she'll be alright. She's a good girl and she knows her way around this place.

I shouldn't worry so much.

* * *

I died. 

I thought I couldn't hurt anymore but I was wrong. Physically I'm alright, but inside, the person I used to be is dead.

Ti'ana had an accident. I don't know if she'll pull through, nor do I understand what actually happened.

Everything started off so great! Ti'ana got used to school very quickly and she enjoyed her classes. She'd come home and tell me all about experiments they did in biology or the newest astronavigation class. She's even made a few new friends.

I came home from work one evening and Ti'ana and a dark haired girl named Malika were watching a movie together. I had heard them laughing before I even opened the door.

I'm glad Ana found a friend her own age.

She literally abducted Malika to the Spaceport, presumably getting on Devon's nerves.

He's been a great help.

I got the news that there had been an accident in school. Ti'ana had fallen and hit her head and she hasn't woken up since.

I rushed to the infirmary and when I saw her lying there, unmoving and so, so pale, the coldness I had tried to keep hidden escaped the invisible cage I had kept it in and slowly made its way to my heart.

At that point I felt emotionless. I had the feeling that I should cry or at least say something – anything – to show the world that I was saddened by what happened to my baby sister.

But I couldn't.

Kids fall time and time again, they scrape their knees, they break bones but they wake up again. Why does Ti'ana have to be the one to have fallen so badly?

After everything she's endured, why could she not be left in peace?

I stayed at the infirmary as long as they would let me. They kept telling me to go home and get some sleep.

"How?" I eyed the Doctor without any sort of expression on my face. He was a young Doctor, with short dark hair and light brown eyes.

I suspect that he's good at his job but he seemed at a loss for words as he thought about my question.

"When she wakes up, we'll comm you."

I shook my head, "I don't want her to wake up and be alone."

The Doctor came forward and laid a hand on my shoulder, "She won't be alone."

"But you're strangers to her." I whispered, my heartbeat quickening as I gazed at Ti'ana's unmoving form.

They wouldn't let me stay.

I left my little sister alone within this sterile, haunting place and I might not be there when she wakes up.

I stood outside for a little while, my gaze wandering to the black sky above. The stars twinkled on and off, a beautiful sight. But it made me wonder how small, fragile and insignificant we really are.

I started walking, not wanting to be alone, I headed to Devon's place.

He doesn't live too far away from the hospital; the walk there cleared my mind a little. I tried thinking about everything and anything just to keep my mind off Ti'ana.

When Devon opened the door he seemed more than just a little surprised to see me. I hadn't been inside his home before but what I could see from the doorway, Devon has a decent taste.

"Marrim." He said, his eyebrows rising in a gesture of question, "What are you doing here?"

I shrugged, "I have no where else to go."

And with those few words it seemed the coldness burst and shattered into a million tiny pieces and I finally began to cry.

_"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."_

He showed me into the living room and I sat down on a large sofa in front of a vast entertainment system.

The tears kept coming and coming and I had trouble breathing. On the one hand I felt embarrassed for crying like a little girl but on the other hand I felt like I needed this. It's beyond me but somehow I entirely trusted Devon at that very moment.

And he didn't disappoint.

He held me at arms length once I had calmed down a little, wiping the tears away. He smiled at me and I had to chuckle. "Tell me what happened." He said softly and I told him about Ti'ana's accident. I didn't cry anymore that night. I suppose I shed enough tears for a lifetime.

"I'm so very sorry, Marrim." Devon whispered, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. Needless to say, a shiver ran down my spine at his touch, "If there's anything I can do…"

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it. Just hearing me out is enough, believe me."

I suppose the conversation would have gone on a bit longer, if Devon hadn't gotten more company. His door buzzer sounded and I gave an exasperated sigh as he got up from the sofa and let his guest enter.

Why was I not surprised?

My luck that the girl from the spaceport strolled in as if the entire planet belonged to her alone.

And goodness, she is beautiful! Which annoyed me even more. Almost a head taller than myself, with wavy dark blond hair and beautiful light green eyes. I won't even start on her fabulous body; I could imagine a lot of women envying her.

I didn't want her to be there at that moment. I wanted her to leave and come back once I'd gone home.

But no one heard my wish and she sat down with a strange look in my direction.

"Hello." She said, "I'm Asya."

I nodded politely, "Marrim."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Marrim." She was nice. I didn't like the fact that she was nice. I didn't want to like her.

"Weren't you with that little girl at the spaceport hitching a ride with Devon?"

I nodded silently, suddenly very aware of my puffy face and red eyes. I didn't want to lapse into explanations as to why I had started crying and I cleared my throat, "I should get going." I said, getting to my feet with a polite smile, "Thank you, Devon."

"You don't have to go." He said but my inner voice kept screaming to leave.

I shook my head, "Thanks, but I really should get going. It's getting late."

Thinking back now it was the most stupid excuse to come to mind but I wanted to get out of there. His apartment suddenly grew very cramped and grew even more so every time I glanced at Asya sitting across from me.

"If there's anything you need, let me know." Devon said softly as he led me to the front door.

I thanked him and hurried outside, greeted by the cool fresh air.

The way back home was rather uneventful. The streets were almost devoid of pedestrians, only a few ground cars passed by. When I keyed open the lock to our home, I was again hit by the realization that I'd be alone.

And so was Ti'ana and this fact hurt me even more.

Eventually I fell asleep in the living room. Trying to distract myself I watched a strange holodrama; a tragic love story aboard a doomed ship.

I had hoped that I wouldn't dream. That I'd sleep and wake up in the morning without thinking back to my dreams.

But I had nightmares. In one dream Ti'ana had died. She had just stopped breathing, had suffocated, her eyes open and reaching out for me. And in the other dream she had woken up and had called out for me because she was alone.

Her screams still echoed within my head when I woke up early in the morning. It was still dark outside but I had decided to stay awake.

Due to the circumstances I had taken a week off from work. And as the clock hit eight I gathered up my shoes and jacket and left for the hospital.

My heart raced as I hurried down the mazes of streets, hoping that she was alright, that maybe she was getting better.

I knew that if something had happened to her the hospital would have contacted me immediately but my mind always conjures up worst case scenarios.

Ti'ana was still sleeping soundlessly as I entered her room. Bacta patches were glued to her arms, healing small cuts and bruises. Around her slight beeping sounds emanated from machinery; and everything was green.

I thought the color of her face looked better than the day before. Rosy cheeks maybe?

I touched her face softly. She felt warm, not cold as I had first imagined.

And when she stirred under my touch a great weight was lifted off my shoulders.

"We just wanted to contact you." Came the voice of the young Doctor I had met the previous day. He was holding a data pad in his hands, "She woke up a few minutes ago."

I smiled and was at a loss for words. Everything seemed forgotten at the very moment Ti'ana opened her dark eyes. But there was something amiss. Something within me called out and told me there was something wrong.

I couldn't pinpoint it at that moment but I didn't care because my little sister smiled back at me.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" I asked softly, grabbing her small hand in a firm grip. She didn't answer; I was content with the fact that she was alive. She'd get better, I kept telling myself.

I touched her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear and silently laughed, "You gave me one hell of scare." I said, happy that it seemed Ti'ana was on the verge of coming home.

But it wasn't so. Ti'ana was awake but she wasn't _there_.


	6. Chapter 6

Her eyes seemed distant, her smile hazy, as if it were something she had rehearsed.

"Miss Laidli, we should talk." The Doctor murmured, his gaze shifting to his data pad and back to my face again.

The look he gave me was one of sadness and the happiness I had felt at seeing Ti'ana well and alive vanished in a heart beat as I finally grasped the fact that she was no where near being well. I nodded, letting go of Ti'ana's hand and patted her hair, "I'll be back in a little while."

I whispered, trying to keep a reassuring smile on my face.

I had no idea how much Ti'ana actually realized but I hoped that she could hear me, that she wasn't just staring through me.

I followed the young Doctor to his rather spacious office and sat down in front of his desk. H

e laid his data pad down and cleared his throat, "Your sister is suffering from something we call Static Encephalopathy. " He started to fidget and he cleared his throat again, "It means she has a brain malfunction."

He continued when seeing my questioning gaze. I didn't know what to feel at that moment. Together Ti'ana and I had been through a lot; from losing our parents and so many of our friends to trying to build up a decent life and almost succeeding. And now my little sister was sick.

"Is it treatable?" I whispered, wondering what else life and destiny had in store for us. My heart skipped a beat as the Doctor took a deep breath, "She's on medication to keep her sedated for the time being. Since we don't exactly know how severe you sister's condition is she'll need various forms of medication. But we need your consent."

"Will it help her?" The young Doctor nodded as he rummaged through his desk drawer and withdrew a piece of flimsy.

I signed my name, gave my thumbprint on his pad. I felt as if I was giving up on Ti'ana, letting mad scientists experiment on her.

I had the feeling that no one honestly knew what was wrong with her.

But there was a flicker of hope as the Doctor heaved a sigh and said, "There is something else I could suggest, Miss Laidli." He closed the drawer, stashing the flimsy within it and sat back in his large chair, "I'm not one to believe in superstition but it might do well to have a Jedi healer take a look at Ti'ana."

I blinked, "A Jedi healer?" The most I knew about the Jedi I had gotten off the holo net. On and on I heard about healers but had more or less thought they didn't exist, that Jedi healers were to please the grand audience.

"It's just a thought, an alternative to the medication." He shrugged, "It might be worth a shot."

I nodded and shook his hand, slowly moving back to Ti'ana's bed.

She had fallen asleep again, breathing steadily and slowly. From afar she seemed healthy; my little sister just asleep. "I'll see you later." I whispered, kissing her forehead and leaving the hospital for a very long walk.

The Doctor had contacted the Jedi the same evening he had told me about Ti'ana's condition. I met with both of them at the hospital the next day, after a fitful night of not being able to sleep.

The Jedi woman reminded me of my mother. She had long, fair hair that she had bound together at the nape of her neck and she was wearing the usual sandy brown Jedi robes everyone associated the Jedi with.

Dark blue eyes gazed back at me and I forced a smile, "Hello."I said, shaking the older woman's hand.

She nodded and her kind smile seemed to warm my heart. I immediately trusted this woman and at the time I didn't understand why. It's never been easy for me to trust anyone. "I am Alaris." She stated, her smile never leaving her features, "And I am here to help you."


	7. Chapter 7

A month or so after my fourteenth birthday, my mother sat down with her hands folded in her lap. The expression on her face was a mixture between worry and happiness and the way she began playing with her hands, I knew that there was something bothering her.

It had become something of a tradition to sit together once a week and talk about everything and anything that had happened in our lives. At the time I thought my life was miserable. School, friends and having a lot of problems with boys, I suppose I was a very difficult teenager.

But I do think my parents managed quite well.

I remember my father growing rather nervous when my mother cleared her throat a few times before looking us straight in the face. I think she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time when she exclaimed – in a very loud voice – that she was pregnant.

My father jumped up and gathered her up into his strong arms, twirling her around the room. Just like in the holo movies with happy ends. And me? Well, I just sat there, stunned.

Instead of being happy for my parents, the only thoughts going through my head were about having to make room for a baby. A crying, nagging, screaming little thing would most definitely take my place.

I was horrified.

"Marrim, sweetheart?" I heard my mother's angelic voice, almost only a whisper. I guess I was staring into space, a blank expression on my chubby face. She always got overly worried when I did that.

I smiled and got to my feet, hugging my mother and – embarrassing as it is today – pretended to be happy for her. I smiled and squealed with her and I squelched out a few tears.

I left my parents alone for the rest of the evening, laying on my bed in my room, listening to music. I heard them laugh through my closed door, heard a few hushed whispers and I knew they were kissing, no doubt.

They were having a baby. Another child. Another burden.

I turned up the volume to block out the cheerfulness from the other room.

All this went through my head as I took a walk away from the hospital where Ti'ana was still sleeping. Alaris and I had a very long talk about treatment methods she, as a Jedi, could offer.

We decided to start the next day and knowing Ti'ana was now in good hands, I needed some air.

I thought back to the day she was born. It had taken me months, watching as my mother's belly grew bigger and bigger, to finally except my parents' happiness and – only to a degree— being happy myself.

I remember, one day at school, instead of listening to our silly teacher ramble on about different alien cultures, I wrote a pro and con list of a sibling.

Today I believe I was afraid of change. Having a baby means a great deal of change and it was something I wasn't willing to accept at the time.

I was at home with a few friends when my father stormed in and had a frantic look on his face. He searched the entire apartment, mumbling something about looking for a bag.

That's when it clicked. I finally understood that this bundle of life was coming to live with us; I could teach it so many wonderful and great things; I could help raise this child if I wanted to. I could be the big sister I had always wanted.

My mother had packed a bag a few days before and my father and I hurried to the hospital just in time. I waited outside in the hall, pacing back and forth and suddenly very much ashamed at my behavior over the past months.

It took a long time until my Dad finally came to get me, a beaming grin on his unshaven face.

"It's a girl." He whispered as he showed me the way to my mother's hospital room.

The baby was wrapped up in a pink blanket and my mother held the little girl to her chest, smiling and talking to her in a low voice.

In all my life it was the first time I had seen my parents so very happy. And I wanted to be a part of it.

I greeted my little sister with a soft stroke across her rosy cheek and swore that I would always be there for her, no matter what.

I stopped my walk on a bridge, overlooking a small river with clear water. The weather was cool and gazing up to the sky it looked like it would rain soon.

I walked on, taking a deep breath and deciding to see what Devon was up to.

On the way, I hoped I wouldn't be annoying him. But being new in a place and knowing no one, I almost considered Devon to be a friend. I wonder what he thinks about me?

I touched the door buzzer with the palm of my hand and waited a minute or two. Hoping that he was home, I touched it again and instead of seeing Devon's handsome face, Asya stood in front of me.

Her long blond hair was braided into to ponytails at the sides of her head and she wore a short black dress; did she want to look like a school girl?

I hid my growing dislike towards her, "Am I interrupting?"

Asya shook her head and stepped aside to let me in, "We were about done anyway."

With her standing behind me, I rolled my eyes at that statement. "I was hoping to talk to Devon."

Asya shrugged and sat down on the sofa gracefully, making sure that her skirt was still in place, "He's not here. Went to the spaceport a while ago."

I arched an eyebrow and was honestly relieved when a talk, dark haired man walked towards me from the back. A towel was draped across his shoulders and his smiled as he shook my hand, "Hello." He said, his voice extraordinarily dark and musky.

All this time I had thought Asya and Devon were dating but I was utterly glad that I had been mistaken.

"Well, I'm sorry that I disturbed you." I said sweetly, "I'll just let you carry on with whatever it was you were doing." I waved and hurried out of the apartment, walking to the spaceport with a smile on my face.

The space port was deserted. Only a few people came my way and the guards that usually checked credentials were missing as well. Taking a quick look at my chrono, I realized that it was past midnight already.

I hadn't even realized how late it was.

Devon's ship was parked in its usual spot and the ramp was lowered when I arrived. I head a slight clinking sound and then a string of curses.

"Everything alright?" I called up the ramp and smiled when Devon showed himself, laying on his stomach with a hydro spanner in his hands.

"Oh. Hi there." He said and I think he was blushing. Just slightly. "What brings you here?" he asked, getting to his feet and walking down the ramp with booted feet.

I shrugged, "I needed some air. Ti'ana isn't doing too well."

"I'm sorry to hear that." He said, his tone soft.

I smiled and cleared my throat, wanting to change the subject for a little while. I felt the need to not have to worry at that moment. I just wanted to be me.

"Are you busy? I didn't want to disturb you."

Devon shook his head, "No. Just needed something to do." He beckoned for me to follow and I slowly walked into the interior of his ship, "It got a bit crowded at home."

I hid a smile, "I noticed. I stopped by your place before coming here."

"Ah." The expression on his face was unreadable, "So you've met Maxx. My sister's new play toy."

Sister? I had envisioned Asya to be a lot of things but I hadn't thought about the two of them being related. They seemed so different from one another.

"Do the two of you live together?"

Devon shook his head and sat down on a low bench opposite where I was standing. There was a crate I used as a seat, "She was only here to visit. But her visit has stretched into weeks." He leaned back against the bulkhead, closing his blue eyes for a moment, "She drives me insane sometimes."

"I hadn't expected her be your sister. You don't resemble each other at all."

Devon made a face, "Step sister. Long story." He waved his hand and smiled, "Tell me about Ti'ana." He said and I began to tell him about the Jedi Healer.

"Would you keep me informed?" he asked, "I…well, I'd hate see something happen to her."

I nodded, "Of course."


	8. Chapter 8

Devon walked me home sometime past two in the morning. I am fully capable of walking on my own but I suppose his male protectiveness kicked in and so he insisted, ignoring my reassurances that everything would be alright.

We didn't talk much on the way back and I found myself thinking back to my little sister. I wondered, in her current state, if she dreamed and if yes, what her dreams were about. I wondered if the fantasies she had during the day came true while she was sleeping. And I wondered if she felt pain, while she lay on the infirmary bed, staring into space with that strange look in her eyes.

So many questions pounded against the inside of my skull, questions I had no answers to. But that's where I hoped Alaris would step in and show me a beacon of light with her Force abilities. But I still had an entire night and half a morning until our next meeting. I knew I wouldn't get any sleep.

Sighing I rubbed my temples and stifled a yawn, smiling towards Devon as he gave me a worried look, "Just tired." I said, "I haven't been sleeping well."

Devon nodded, digging his hands even deeper into his pants pockets. "This must be very hard for you."

I looked away from his blue stare, focusing my gaze on something – anything – else around me. I knew I was on the verge of breaking out in tears but I clamped down and swallowed. "Uh…yeah."

The apartment building loomed up in front of us, only another few hundred meters. So many lights were on; the small windows looked like ornaments on a tree.

Devon suddenly stopped and cleared his throat, "Listen. If you need me… I mean…" He sighed, "You don't have to go through this alone, Marrim. I'm here for you, whatever you need."

I didn't know what to say. I was literally speechless.

Having gone through a war and losing so many people you loved, it got harder to open up to someone new. There's always this fear in the back of your head that this new person would be taken away from you, as well.

I was honestly a tiny bit afraid of this new found friendship.

"Thank you." I whispered.

Devon shrugged, the muscles beneath his dark jacket flexing under the artificial lights, "It's the least I can do."

For a moment we stood in front of the building's entrance in silence. I took a deep, quivering breath as I noticed that I was suddenly feeling utterly nervous. I had the urge to roll my eyes but I closed them instead, clearing my throat, "Thanks for walking me home, Devon." I said in a low voice, smiling pleasantly.

Devon nodded, "You're very welcome."

"Would you come to the clinic with me later on? Around ten?" I suddenly blurted and I have no idea why. He obviously cared for Ti'ana and I didn't feel like it was the right thing to do, asking him to see her that way. But I didn't want to go alone. I really didn't want to go alone.

His blue eyes widened just slightly but he nodded, "Of course."

I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, leaned over to plant a small kiss on his cheek, "Thanks again." I whispered.

Surprisingly he gathered me up into his arms and hugged me. I was so very grateful for his embrace and, having not wanted to acknowledge it until that very moment, I needed his embrace. Just being held for a little while made me feel better, even if only a little.

"I should get back inside." I said, my voice just a faint whisper. Oh goodness, I was so nervous.

"Alright." He cleared his throat, "I'll be here to pick you up." His finger caressed my cheek lightly and I tried not to freeze up. The last time anyone had touched my face this way was lifetimes ago.

I wanted to say something, to tell him that I _really_ needed to go inside but no words came out of my mouth. Instead I gazed up into those beautiful light blue eyes as he inched closer and closer and suddenly he kissed me.

A soft kiss, that made a tingle run down my spine. I closed my eyes, immersing myself in this feeling I hadn't felt in years. It was completely and utterly wonderful.

He backed away, his hand still caressing my cheek as he gazed down at me, "I'll see you later."

I nodded and headed into the building. As the door closed behind me, I took a quick look over my shoulder, watching as Devon walked back the way we'd come.

I touched where our lips had met and my insides suddenly jumped in awkward motions. Smiling to myself I headed to my apartment, now definitely sure that I would not be able to sleep.

As I had suspected, I thrashed around on the sofa, sometimes watching night time traffic, sometimes flicking through channels on the holo net. And all the while I had two things on my mind: Ti'ana and Devon.

I wondered what Alaris was going to do, how the Jedi treatment would work. Do they even use instruments or plainly use only the Force? I have no idea about the Jedi and their ways.

And in between the thoughts about various treatments, Devon's face kept popping up. I smiled to myself as I called his handsome grin to mind, the way the skin crinkled at his eyes when he laughed.

At exactly ten o'clock Devon stood in front of my door, dressed in plain, dark civilian clothes. His smile about knocked me off my feet as I invited him in. I was aware that he hadn't been at our place at all and I was a little embarrassed.

Our apartment is nothing, compared to what Devon lived in. We used old furniture, I slept on the damned sofa because we couldn't afford anything else and there was nothing in the apartment deserving the title luxury.

"I'll go get my coat." I said, hurrying to turn around to hide the blush slowly surfacing on my face.

I didn't get too far, though. Devon took hold of my hand and pulled me towards him. His lips descended on mine yet again and I felt completely helpless. I laid my hands on his chest, returning the kiss passionately.

"Good morning." He said when he broke off, smiling sheepishly.

I hadn't even given him a decent hello, I thought a little embarrassed and smiled, "Good morning."

I retracted myself from his hold, hurried into Ti'ana's room to grab my coat. I took a look around the place, wondering if I should bring a little something of her toys. She had started collecting stuffed animals when she was very little and only a small Ewok had survived the past few years, albeit rather torn up. It was missing an arm and an eye but it had been Ti'ana's favorite by far.

Without a second thought I grabbed it, shrugging on my coat and heading back to the living area.

Devon was standing where I had left him, his eyes going about the room. I hoped he wasn't the sort to care about the ways people lived.

"Ready?" he asked in a low voice. I nodded and was very surprised as he took my hand in his. We walked to the hospital in silence, nervousness growing as the building got larger and larger in front of us.

There was a knot in the pit of my stomach as we entered the hospital; the place was buzzing with life. I tried as hard as I could to ignore everything else and with Devon at my side, kept walking towards Ti'ana's room.

Alaris was already there, standing at Ti'ana's bed. Ti'ana seemed to be sleeping; her chest moved up and down in a steady rhythm. Alaris smiled as we entered and came forth with a slight nod, "I hope all is well." She said to the both of us.

"Is she alright?" I asked and Alaris nodded, "Her vitals are stable. Her body is healthy. It is her mind that needs treatment."

I sighed, the knot in my stomach growing larger and I suddenly felt very sick, "When will you begin?" I asked in a low voice and was grateful for Devon's secure hold at my back.

"As soon as you are ready."


	9. Chapter 9

I felt vulnerable suddenly. I felt as if I were completely alone, as if the universe around me had suddenly shut off, leaving only nothingness and silence.

All I heard was my thumping heartbeat, my own breathing.

Alaris stood before me, a reassuring smile on her wrinkled face but her loving grace did not touch me. All I knew at that moment was that I was utterly and completely afraid.

I was afraid of having to let Ti'ana go; I was afraid that after Alaris started the treatment, Ti'ana would never again be the same beautiful, fun and precious little girl I remembered. The thought that Ti'ana might even die during treatment crossed my mind as well and I felt suddenly paralyzed with fear.

Alaris gently touched my arm, "There is no need to worry, child." She said, her voice soothing and reassuring, "Her vitals will be monitored and before we begin, I will explain to you in detail what it is I will be doing."

I was hoping to feel relieved, to feel something other than this lurking terror but I couldn't. Instead I smiled, blinking back tears, "Thank you."

Devon's large hand held mine tight and I leaned back into his body, steadying myself. "Everything will be fine, Marrim." He whispered into my ear, his warm breath touching my neck, "Don't worry."

"Do you trust the Jedi?" I asked him as Alaris moved back to Ti'ana's bed. The young Doctor, who had so far treated my little sister, walked in from the entrance across the room, nodding towards me and starting up a conversation with Alaris.

"Yes. If there's anyone in this galaxy worth trusting it would be the Jedi."

I held on to his hand tighter, "I'm glad you're here, Devon." I breathed closing my eyes for just a moment.

The Doctor and the Jedi Healer nodded our way and Alaris began to explain the procedure. I didn't catch as much as I wanted to, my mind zooming out as I walked closer to Ti'ana's bed. Her eyes were closed, her breathing normal, as far as I could tell. She seemed paler than usual, the freckles along her cheeks now completely visible.

Ti'ana always nagged about her freckles.

I touched Ti'ana's hand as Alaris said something about probing her mind with the Force.

Inch by inch she would try and find what was wrong with my sister and possibly heal her right then and there. But she told me not to get my hopes up.

And she pressed the matter that there was also a chance none of this would work.

The Doctor came up beside Alaris and smiled, "I'll be monitoring her throughout the entire process." He paused as if wanting to give me a moment to catch my breath, "I'll be giving her a mild sedative. I think it would be easier on all of us if she were comfortably sleeping."

I nodded, the strength I showed on my face not reaching my inside. Truth be told, I was terrified.

Alaris moved closer towards Ti'ana as the Doctor administered the sedative, softly stroking away a few strands of her dark hair. I watched her quietly, my heart pumping beneath my chest; I could feel it in my throat.

Alaris bent over her small form, closing her blue eyes, as she began whispering words in a low voice, in a language I had never heard before.

The language was plainly beautiful, like an old melody, its words soothing the very essence of ones soul. It reminded me of a lost song, an ancient song intended for the ill to ease their pain.

I closed my eyes, listening to those beautiful words, wondering what they meant.

And that's when I noticed Devon had stiffened. All the while his hand had stroked my back and when he suddenly stopped I looked up with a questioning gaze.

"I've heard those words before." He whispered for only me to hear, "It's an old prayer. My Grandmother taught it to me when I was little."

"Can you translate?" I asked as Alaris sat down on Ti'ana's bed, her long fingers touching her temples. She closed her eyes and the Doctor began punching buttons on the bedside machine. And that's when we waited.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I had thought that we would actually see something; blue light from Alaris' fingers or something in that manner. But it was quiet.

"May the Gods watch over you on this perilous day and guide you where you are destined to be." Devon said with a frown on his face.

"I didn't even know the Jedi believed in Gods."

But Devon didn't answer. It seemed he was deep in thought as he watched Alaris and Ti'ana. There was this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the words Alaris had said had triggered something within Devon.

Maybe childhood memories resurfaced he didn't want to think about? Perhaps the thought of his Grandmother was painful?

After a little over thirty minutes I sat down on one of the vacant chairs in the hospitals room. Alaris had so far not moved a single inch and the Doctor grew nervous as he paced back and forth in front of the machines.

And Devon? He stood rooted to the spot, his blue eyes narrowed at the Jedi Healer.

I would have to ask him what this reaction was all about because the feeling that something wasn't right was growing with each passing minute.

After a long while I couldn't take sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Devon hadn't really moved much; he still stood there, his eyes moving from Alaris to Ti'ana and then back to me. Sometimes he smiled but I had the distinct feeling it was fake.

I was annoyed.

With a sigh I got to my feet and quietly exited the hospital room; I paced up and down the hall, hoping that the first treatment would soon be over with. It was the waiting and the not knowing what would happen that rattled me so.

The door opened again and Devon stepped out. His expression was blank as he stood there, hands digging into the pockets of his jacket.

"Are you alright?" I asked and I was honestly concerned.

Devon nodded, "Yes. How are you holding up?"

I nodded curtly as I paced further, "I've never been good with waiting." How badly did I want to ask him about the language, about the look he had given the Jedi Master? But it didn't feel appropriate so I saved my questions for another time. I'd be patient; at least as long as we were still within hospital walls.

I paced back and forth a few more times, absentmindedly playing with strands of my hair, taking deep breaths and just hoping that the nervousness would soon subside.

And the door opened again and the Doctor stepped out. He nodded towards me and I followed him back inside.

I was shocked to see in which state Alaris was in. She was pale, her hands shaking as she sat down on the chair I had vacated earlier. Her eyes were closed and it seemed to me she had to force herself to take long and controlled breaths.

I knelt down before her, "Is everything alright?" I asked in a low voice.

Alaris smiled as she lifted her eyes. She was shaken up but her eyes still held the same fierceness as before, "I am well, child."

Taking a deep breath, the shaking in her hands steadied and she sat up straight, her Jedi robes pooling beneath her feet, "I have located the illness. It is progressing but I am certain I can contain it and so heal your sister."

I was overjoyed. This was wonderful news and I let out a little laugh, tears stinging my eyes. It seemed Ti'ana would be alright after all. But then Alaris continued, "But the damage has already been done, I am afraid."

I frowned as she went on, "Certain parts of her brain have been destroyed. With the Force I am able to repair these parts but she will have to learn anew."

I swallowed, "What parts have been affected?"  
Alaris smiled kindly, "That I cannot say. I will concentrate on healing her and then we must see what else must be done."

I took a hold of her hands and squeezed them. I was so overwhelmed I threw myself at her, hugging her fiercely, "Thank you so very much." I whispered, kissing her cheek.

Alaris bid us farewell, no doubt needing to recover herself. I said my good bye's to Ti'ana and left with Devon at my side.

He was quiet until we stepped out, the sun above us shining a bright white, "I'm glad everything went well." He said as he took my hand.

I nodded, again feeling nervous. "Devon, can I ask you something?"

He sighed and I knew he knew what I was about to say, "What was wrong back there? When you heard Alaris speak that language, something felt off."

Devon stopped, letting go of my hand, which I did not like at all. The usual bright smile on his face was gone, replaced by a brooding Devon I hadn't seen yet. The laughter in his eyes was no more; instead I saw pain and sorrow.

"Devon." I said, gently touching his arm, "I don't want you to feel you have to tell me anything. I just want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me." I smiled, "In return for being there for me through this ordeal."

He smiled, one of those smiles to fool the people around you that everything was alright. Well, he wasn't fooling me. And it seemed he knew this.

"How about we get a cup of caf and I tell you about it?" he said and I nodded, returning my hand into his firm grip.

We ended up in a small café in the middle of the capital. We took a seat at the window and I watched pedestrians pass by doing whatever they needed to be doing. Some people went shopping, some went to work or had just gotten off. There were even a few people begging for money or for food.

This had been a common sight during the war, a sight I had had trouble getting used to. And now it was a normal occurrence and that thought frightened me.

I ordered a hot cup of hot chocolate; I hadn't indulged in the drink for far too long and as the human waitress set down the cup, I inhaled the sweet scent with a smile on my face. This I consider luxury.

Devon went with the old fashioned cup of caf and he leaned back in the chair, one large hand gripping the handles of the white cup. His blue gaze moved from the outside back to the caf, sometimes meeting my eyes on the way.

I reached across the table, gently touching his hand and as he looked up I noticed a surprised look on his features, "Are you alright?" I asked in a low voice.

I was surprised at myself; it seemed I was very good in fighting back my own dark emotions, leaving all negativity concerning Ti'ana to fend for itself for just a little while. It felt good to be free of the darkness for a few minutes.

"I will be." Devon said, lifting the cup to his lips, "The words Alaris spoke reminded me of home, that's all."

Home wasn't a very good place to be, in Devon's case.

We sat there a while, sitting opposite one another, not speaking. My gaze kept wandering outside, my thoughts going everywhere and nowhere.

I thought about our old home, when Ti'ana and I were still with our parents. Our parents had loved each other, I'm certain and had they lived I'm also certain they would have been proud of their daughters.

Well, to let the halfway spiritual side of me reign, wherever our parents are right now, I'm pretty sure they're proud of us already.

I focused my attention back to Devon, wondering if I should ask some more. I was honestly curious as to why he had grown so quiet. This was a side I hadn't seen nor expected of him.

"Devon – " I began but he cut through with a low voice, "My Mother died on my fifteenth birthday." His gaze shifted from the inside of his cup to the people walking past the café. He propped his elbow onto the table, laying his head into the palm of his hand, "No one knew that my perfect Mother, the one woman who always made sure everything was clean and sparkling, was involved with the biggest crime boss in our district."

His voice was low but held no emotions whatsoever, as if he had already let go of that part of his past, "As far as I know she wanted out and the man had her killed." His blue eyes stared at me and for a moment I thought I saw a sparkle of pain but it vanished just as quickly, "I stayed with my Grandmother until my Father remarried." He smiled as he went on, "My Grandmother was one hell of a woman." He picked up his cup and took a sip from the still steaming caf, "She taught me the rights and wrongs of the world and if I didn't understand them quickly enough, she'd _make_ me understand."

His voice grew quieter, "She told me of an ancient language. A language of her ancestors that had long gone extinct. Alaris spoke this language and I can't help but wonder if she might not be of the ancestors."

"Why don't you ask her?"

Devon sat up and swallowed, while cupping the warm cup in his hands, "I remember my Grandmother once telling me that the ancestors kept quiet. They didn't want to be bothered and they took offense if anyone asked them about their heritage." He shrugged, "Maybe it's something to do with the Force but supposedly they were greater than the average human."

"Maybe an older version of the Jedi?"

Devon shrugged, "Maybe." He waved his hand absent mindedly, "I should just drop the subject. Won't get me anywhere anyway."

I felt the need to argue but I kept my mouth shut. I had the feeling Devon wasn't in the mood to argue. And if I was honest to myself, neither was I.

"You know what?" he suddenly said, getting to his feet, "Let's get the hell out of here." I glanced at him in confusion as he paid for our drinks and grabbed me by the hand. He literally dragged me out of the café, hurrying down the street towards his apartment.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to keep up with him.

A smile crept onto his handsome features and I felt my heartbeat quicken, "I think the both of us need to get our minds off this current situation. There's something I think you might like to see."

He showed me to his speeder – a red thing with fins it seemed and equipped to win all sorts of races – and was a gentleman for opening the door for me. I tried making myself feel comfortable in the leather seats but the material kept squeaking beneath me depending on how and which way I moved.

As Devon started the vehicle, he donned a pair of black shades to block out the sun. I have to admit, he looked good.

He turned down the volume of the radio and off we went, to a destination he still refused to tell me. We flew to meet a queue of other speeders and ships, waiting to break to the right and fly over the city. I watched as the buildings passed beneath us, seeing the inhabitants as tiny pecks on the surface.

Silently we flew on, and I frowned when I noticed we were headed away from the populated area to the industrial zone. Wads of smoke and ill smelling fumes seemed to surround everything in these parts of the city.

Arching a brow I gave Devon a sidelong glance, "Where are we going?" I asked for the third time and for the third time he just smiled, without saying a word.

As I gazed out the window, I couldn't really seem much besides smoke. I managed to pretend seeing figures of my imagination; as a child I used to gaze to the clouds and guess at their various shapes and sizes.

It kept me busy for a while.

The speeder descended through the haze of white smoke and when the view cleared I was surprised to see a patch of green right in front of us. And this in an industry zone? I was even more surprised nature had survived this long.

Devon parked the speeder beside a large bush-like green plant and hopped out. I was right behind him, now very interested in what this was all about.

He held out his hand and I gratefully grasped it, keeping close to him as he led the way into the small "woods". I wondered if it was naturally grown; perhaps some people on Denon hadn't completely lost their minds and had decided to keep a few trees and grass. Although why all this was kept rather hidden in the industrial quarter of the capitol, I can't guess.

We walked further and suddenly I heard feint music coming from up front. I cast a questioning gaze in Devon's direction and still his smile was in place.

The music got louder and from afar I recognized flickering yellow lights. There was a fire going and I had to laugh.

After another few minutes, we arrived at a clearing in which dozens of people either lay scattered on the ground, or were jumping around the fire. The flames flickered high into the air, the smell of burning wood all around us.

The music was magnificent. A young girl stood near the dancers, a long flute attached to a round casing made from a matte material, in her hands; she moved in circles and smiled in between the high notes, watching as her friends whirled and spun around themselves.

It really did look like fun.

"What is this place?" I asked, intently curious.

Devon leaned down and whispered, "A few of us come here to enjoy the evening. Drink a few beers, listen to Maya playing her instrument." He inclined his head to the dancers, "And when they're in a really good mood, the start to dance."

They seemed so at peace with themselves. Their faces showed only happiness and glee and I wanted to be part of that for a while. If only for a few minutes, I wanted to forget.

"These are your friends?"

Devon nodded. He pulled me towards the clearing and waved at the people who noticed us. They greeted him in return, their smiles even growing wider.

He stopped as a young boy came our way. Devon reached out to ruffle the boys' hair and laughed, "You've gotten taller again."

The boy nodded curtly, "I'll be as big as you soon. And then I can finally beat you."

Devon laughed good naturedly, "In your dreams maybe."

The boy extended a finger and pointed at Devon's midsection, the smile still plastered across his features, "You just wait and see."

He nodded greetings to me and went to join the ever growing crowd around the fire.

"A friend of yours?" I asked, wrapping my arms around myself. Even though the fire was burning high, a cool breeze playing with my hair.

"Yes. He's a good kid. He's been trying to play fight me since he was little. I've only once let him win and now he wants to try and win again."

Boys will always be boys, it seems.

The music stopped for just an instant for the girl to catch her breath, but the dancers kept moving in circles around the fire. And I suddenly had the urge to join.

"Come on." I indicated the dancers with a nod of my head and was surprised when Devon's smile almost completely vanished.

"I don't do the dance." He said in a low voice.

I laughed at him and shook my head, "Why do you come here then?"  
He shrugged, "To get my mind off things."

"Alright. Well, then this will be your first time dancing around the fire. Now come on." I pulled at his hand and reluctantly he followed suit, but he still looked grim. He perched the shades onto his head – the sun was beginning to set – and blew out a breath.

It seemed to me he wanted to protest but I didn't let him. With a swift pull, he was beside me in the ranks of the other dancers, jumping around and just having a great time.

And for a few hours I was able to forget.

It was late when Devon finally convinced me it was time to leave. I didn't want to go. I could have stayed at the small fire sight and enjoyed the night until dawn shoved the stars away. 

We headed back in silence; my mind wandered everywhere at once it seemed. I thought about the past, the present and a future I wished for myself and my sister.

And that's when my mood plummeted again. I groaned and closed my eyes as Devon drove; the man's attentive, I'll give him that. He threw me a quick glance, "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Just tired." I held back a sigh and shrugged, "Sometimes I wish I could just make my brain stop working; so I wouldn't have to think for a little while."

Devon surprised me by laughing out loud and then he gave me a side long glance with a raised brow, "Doesn't that actually happen at least once a month with you women?"

I arched a brow while smirking at him but I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me, "Hush, you."

Silence remained as Devon piloted the little speeder back home. I took a quick look at the chrono in the dashboard, surprised that it was already so late. I'd have about four hours of sleep before getting up to see Ti'ana. Maybe she'd be doing better already? Maybe she'd jump at me and hug me like she always used to? But I knew this was only wishful thinking so I gazed back to Devon. I watched him in the darkness, memorizing his face as he was bathed in colorful lights from the outside. There was no doubt in my mind and I kept telling myself over and over again: this man was very handsome.

And I was sitting right next to him! The urge to giggle like a little girl surfaced but I withheld.

Barely.

But it felt good. There was a sudden feeling of stampeding banthas throughout my stomach but it really felt good.

Devon parked the speeder a silent while later and I cleared my throat as I got out. Somehow I didn't really want to leave the enclosed space with him.

I took a quick look around – we were in the public lot of the building Ti'ana and I lived in. It was eerily quiet and I felt a shiver run through me, mixing up with the ever stampeding banthas.

"You sure you're alright?"

I frowned at Devon and slowly walked around the speeder to stand in front of him. "I'm fine. Stop asking."

He smiled a wicked little smile before his arms suddenly encircled my waist and I was flat up against him. Muscle hard chest but soft grip around me. I could have melted. My pulse was racing away and I fought to keep breathing normally – I didn't want him to notice how nervous I was.

"I hate saying good-bye to you." Devon whispered as he leaned down and planted a tiny kiss on my neck.

Irrational as it was, I didn't want him to leave. I felt different around him somehow; he made me smile and he made me laugh, I knew he'd be there just to talk if I needed him to be. He made me feel secure.

"Stay a little while longer." I whispered and was surprised at myself. All in all it would have been the first time I ever invited a man inside my home at this hour of the morning.

I felt him tense up a bit and then he grinned. Mischievously.

"Are you sure?" A husky whisper as he kissed his way up to my jaw and suddenly nibbled the earlobe. I shivered from head to toe. "I might just take advantage of the situation."

Pictures of us being together – naked, obviously – crossed my mind and I couldn't help but smile. So very alluring but then common sense kicked in. On the one hand I really wanted him to accompany me but on the other hand – it was way too soon. I scowled at myself but then I agreed. Definitely too soon and I was certain it would ruin the friendship we built up together.

Instead of giving him a decent answer I turned my head a little so I could kiss him. The surprised moan that escaped him was…well, sexy as hell, I have to admit. I'm not usually one to take the initiative when it comes to the opposite sex, but this time I felt the need to.

I wondered if Devon actually knew how much his mere presence was actually helping me. I wanted to tell him but I didn't want him to feel used.

He deepened the kiss and my resolve to say good-night was on the verge of shattering. But he broke away just in time and let that evil little smile play across his features again, "You're making it hard to say no." He whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow."

I'm guessing he'd come to the same conclusion as I had.

He leaned down and kissed my cheek before he returned to the speeder. I waved and turned on my heel, slowly heading back to the apartment building, all the while feeling Devon's stare on my back. I would have loved to find out what it was he was thinking at that very moment.

I realized then that Devon was more to me than just a distraction from Ti'ana's illness. I was really, really beginning to like him. And then I smiled; it was all Ti'ana's fault, wasn't it? She met him, she introduced us – and now I seemed to be falling for him.

"Thank you, little sister." I whispered before entering our home.


	10. Chapter 10

I spent most of the next day at Ti'ana's side. I left the apartment early in the morning and I'd been surprised to see Alaris already there. She'd given me a short, reassuring smile and I sat down on a chair in the corner and watched her do her work.

She had her hands splayed above Ti'ana's torso and I kept wondering when I'd see blue fireworks flicker from her fingers. My imagination ran wild as I watched, asking myself what exactly it was she was doing but held back my questions. I didn't want to disturb her.

Ti'ana almost slept through the entire day. When she was awake her eyes darted around and I thought I saw a small smile on her face, but I'm not entirely sure. I sat by her bed, holding her small, delicate hands for hours after Alaris had left. I was shocked at how pale she was and tears blurred my sight.

A nurse had come in to bathe her and I sent the nurse away, wanting to do it on my own. There wasn't anything else I was able to do and I felt the painful need to do _something_. Anything.

I whispered good-bye and kissed her forehead as she slept silently. But I had to get back to the every-day life. My boss had called before I'd left for the hospital, asking me to come back to work. Who was I to say no? He'd fire me on the spot, I was sure of it and I had rent and bills to pay.

So, for me, life went on – alone.

Before heading home I decided to see what Devon was up to. It was the obvious thing to do, I thought. But he wasn't home and I debated if I should check the space port. I didn't want to seem too clingy but I didn't want to be alone either.

When I had time to think, I started remembering our old home. They were happy memories, a life I'd love to have back but I life that was no longer possible. And that fact hurt.

Slowly I made my way to the space port where he spent his free time tinkering away on his ship. I'd never asked him what he did for a living – I knew nothing about him and I decided I'd ask him when the time was right. I liked Devon. Maybe even a little too much, after everything that had happened. I feared deep within me that he might inadvertently hurt me. Not by saying a stupid word or lashing out at me but by just simply leaving. What if I let my feelings for him grow and someone would take him away? What if he'd die just like everyone else I'd ever called a friend?

It was a thought I banned to the back of my mind. I needed to focus on the now and not conjure up dilemma's of a possible future.

I almost ran to the space port. My feet took me there in only minutes and the bodily exertion felt great. My heart threatened to jump from my chest, pumping against my ribs like crazy. There was a stitch in my side but it didn't bother me. I caught my breath after a while and then I laughed. I stood before the space port and I laughed, throwing my head back and just letting go.

I ignored people's stares and I kept laughing until tears clouded my vision. It was an indescribable feeling. I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed like this.

I calmed down a while later, wiping at happy tears running down my cheeks. Taking deep breaths and forcing a wide grin into an almost human smile, I headed towards the section of private hangar decks. All along the corridor I caught sight of various guards, dressed in different uniforms. I guessed depending on who they worked for, they needed to wear different clothing.

I stopped walking when I heard shouts and a high pitched scream coming from the hangar deck I knew Devon's ship was parked. I recognized Asya's voice and then a dark grumble I thought to be Devon. I couldn't understand what they were saying but both seemed to be very angry.

Devon's private part of the space port wasn't guarded so I walked in, making sure not to make too much noise. My curiosity was getting the better of me so instead of barging in, I kept quiet and tried to listen.

I know eavesdropping isn't the nicest thing to do but it's the easiest way to accumulate information.

I heard Asya throw out a string of curses directed at her brother and an equally harsh answer from Devon. With my brows raised, I walked on.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I heard Devon ask, his voice dangerously low. I hadn't heard this tone of voice before; on the one hand I was surprised he could sound this angry but on the other hand I found myself liking it.

"What was I supposed to do, Dev? Send him away? He needed my help."

"You're aiding a kriffing criminal. Do you understand that?"

I could just picture Asya rolling her eyes and tapping away with her foot. Maybe a lollypop to go with the whole moody teenager routine?

"I love him, Devon. I can't let –"

"Spare me the love talk." He snapped and then I heard receding footsteps and a metallic clatter. It seemed to me Devon kept working on his ship whenever he got agitated.

"Devon, I've never asked you for anything before. I need your help."

The metallic clatter stopped, replaced by his deep mirthless laugh. "Gods, you're so stupid, Asya. And I liar as well."

"Thanks for your faith."

There was a long pause and I walked on slowly but stopped again at Devon's voice, "I want you out of the apartment by tonight. Pack your things and get the hell out."

I heard Asya's sharp intake of breath, "Please, Devon. I don't have anywhere else to go." Her voice was a pleading whisper.

"That's not my problem. Go stay at Maxx's place for all I care. You want help, then start by getting your own life together."

"You're one to talk!" Asya shouted, her voice quivering. She was crying. "How can you do this to me?"

There was another metallic clatter, as if Devon had thrown a tool straight through the hangar, "Don't you dare even go there. You've heard what I had to say. Get out."

I felt like an intruder at that moment. So taking a breath, I walked further until I saw the two of them facing each other. Devon looked up with a furrowed brow but his features softened as he recognized me.

Asya wiped at her eyes, gave me a curt nod and stormed away. Even though I didn't really know what their fight had been about, I felt sorry for her. I hated seeing people cry in the first place.

"Is everything alright?" I asked as Devon came closer. He heaved a heavy sigh and nodded once, "Fine. Don't worry about it."

Asya didn't seem fine to me and I frowned. I suppose Devon noticed because he shook his head, "Please, just let it drop."

He turned away from me, taking his time while moving to retrieve the tool he'd thrown across the hangar. I found myself thinking it might have been a good idea to have gone home instead. Devon's mood was making me anxious; whatever was going on wasn't something easily discarded.

I cleared my throat as he approached me again, the tool neatly tucked away in the belt around his hips, "Listen. I'll go. I didn't want to intrude." I made to turn around but he grabbed my elbow, pulling me towards him. He wrapped his arms around me and sighed.

"Don't leave."

I felt his breath near my neck as he bent down and gave the tiniest of kisses. I shivered even then and couldn't fight back a smile surfacing.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked again and he nodded, not letting go of me.

"I'll be fine if you stay."

My eyes widened just a fraction, "I'll stay then."

He stepped back and reached up to cup my face in his hands. His eyes seemed so tired, sad almost and I would have done almost anything to help him. But if he didn't open up to me, I had no chance to.

"I'm glad you came, Marrim." He whispered and my stomach seemed to summersault suddenly. "I couldn't get you off my mind." A wicked little grin spread across his face and I felt warmth trickle down my spine. I was again reminded at how gorgeous this man was.

He dipped his head and placed soft lips against the skin on my neck. I bit down on my lip to hold back a moan. My arms seemed to lift on their own accord, as I pulled him closer, yearning for his touch.

I felt as if someone had turned on the heat in the hangar bay; his hands felt their way down to my hips and then he was suddenly kissing me. A soft, long and mind blowing kiss that almost brought me to my knees.

"Stay." he whispered after breaking the kiss.

I swallowed before answering, "I will."


	11. Chapter 11

We stayed in his ship most of the night. He seemed distant when he spoke and I felt his anger throughout the hours I spent with him. When I tried discussing his sister he blocked the questions, either not answering at all or changing the subject in a heartbeat.

"Why are you fighting with Asya?" I asked while nipping at a glass of red wine he'd poured for the both of us. I was surprised to see that he had a small cooling unit packed with everything I could have hoped for – even ice cream which I tried not to devour on sight, afraid that I'd lose my lady like face in front of Devon.

We sat facing each other in a small recreation area aboard his ship. It was a comfortable little place, with plush green furniture nailed to the metal boards.

Devon cleared his throat and dragged a hand through his spiky, blond hair, "How's your sister doing?"

I bit down on my tongue and hoped my face didn't betray the annoyance I was feeling at that moment. I tried telling myself that it was none of my business but something told me this was far greater than a simple sibling squabbling. And I wanted to help in any way possible. Plus, I hate secrets.

"Devon." I leaned back and sighed, "I don't want to invade your privacy but I'm worried about you. What's going on?"

He shook his head and clamped his jaw shut. I could almost see his mind working fervently and when he spoke I was surprised at the softness of his voice, "I don't want you involved."

That's all he said and he ignored any further questions concerning the topic. But it had me even more curious. Knowing I wouldn't be able to get a word out of him I thought about maybe speaking to Asya instead. I was certain Devon would be angry if he found out but maybe he wouldn't find out and at least my curiosity would be sated.

"Ti'ana's doing alright, concerning the circumstances." I said, using the spoon I was holding to mesh around in the already melted ice cream. As a little girl I'd wait until the ice cream was fully melted and then I'd gulp it down as if drinking water. I loved to do that as a child and I honestly thought about drinking it up at that moment but I held back, again wondering what Devon would think of me.

"I'm glad to hear that."

The rest of the night went on exactly like this. I asked questions I hoped he would answer and when he did, he made sure I knew not to prod further. It was getting increasingly aggravating and sometime around four in the morning, I got up and gathered up my coat, "I think I should go." I said slowly, watching as he turned towards me; there was a flicker of emotions within his eyes I couldn't recognize and I was oddly disappointed when he nodded and led me to the ramp.

Outside in the hangar I let a deep frown surface on my forehead and was about to keep walking towards the exit when he grabbed my elbow and spun me around.

"Listen. I…" His voice faltered and he averted his gaze for a moment, seeming to take deep breaths to get himself back under control. And I wanted to know why and I was angry at him for not letting me in on his worries.

"I don't want to mess things up." He said, reaching up to cup my face in his hands, "You're precious to me, Marrim. And that's why I can't have you involved in what's going on."

My eyes darkened and I stepped away, "Alright." I bit out and turned again, surprised to see Devon run up into my way. He held his palms out as if wanting to stop me, "Dammit, Marrim, please don't make this any more difficult than it already is."

"I'm not. I was only leaving."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "I wish you would just accept this –"

"Oh I am accepting this, Devon. I'm accepting that you want to solve your problems on your own and I do understand. I'm also accepting the fact that by doing so, you're pushing me away. I want to help you and you don't want my help. I understand this as well. So please don't be surprised when I leave because then it won't hurt me so to see you worried and declining my help."

I moved passed him and stalked away, my boots clicking on the ground of the hangar bay.

When I arrived home a while later Devon had already left a message. I took my time changing my clothes before I decided to sit before the comm unit and listen to what Devon had to say. I was honestly quite nervous – I didn't want to fight over this but I felt left out. I wanted to be a part of his life and it seemed to me he had the same feelings so why wouldn't he give me the chance to prove to him that I was trustworthy?

That's what stung the most. I really did think he didn't trust me.

It was an audio message only and I sat down on the floor, leaning against the cold wall as I listened to him speak.

"Marrim…Gods…why are you doing this?" there was a slight pause and I imaged him dragging his hand through his hair again. He did that a lot when he got agitated, I noticed.

"Depending on the next few days this could get dangerous. Asya's involved with the wrong people. I don't want you near her or them. Please understand, Marrim. I…" He paused again and I closed my eyes, wondering what would come next.

"I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you." His voice was a mere whisper and I felt a shiver run down my spine at his words, "I don't want you to be angry with me but if it'll keep you away from this – if your anger will keep you safe – then that's what it's going to take." I heard him heave a sigh before he continued, "Take care of yourself, Marrim."

The message ended with me shaking my head and feeling shocked at Devon's words. It sounded like Asya was in real trouble. So why didn't Devon want to help her? Why didn't he want to help his sister?

Instead of sating my curiosity his message only fueled it more.

I got to my feet and began pacing up and down the living room. My thoughts whirled around Devon, around Asya. And I was astounded that I hadn't thought about Ti'ana being in the hospital through the entire ordeal with Devon. I didn't like that at all.

I jumped when I heard the chime at the front door, frowning as I glanced at the chrono. I hadn't slept all night and it was nearing sunrise soon. I had planned on visiting Ti'ana early that day and I sighed as I realized I'd at least need two or three hours of sleep before I'd be at least halfway functional.

Slowly I made my way to the front door, opening it only a crack to see who it was.

"Open the door."

I stepped back and let Devon enter without a word. I frowned at him, wondering why he'd followed me home after sending the message.

"I already heard what you had to say." I crossed my arms in front of my chest and gave him an arched look.

"I figured as much."

"And?"

"And nothing."

He was suddenly right in front of me, so close that I could feel his breath on my neck. "I don't want to argue about this any longer." He whispered making the hairs on my body stand on end. Of course he wouldn't argue about this – I was finally getting to see a different side of Devon I wasn't too fond of. Stubbornness. Major stubbornness.

"Then don't." I said defiantly, not backing down as he gave me a dark look, "I won't ask any further questions."

At least I wouldn't be asking _him_.

He leaned forward and captured my lips with his, kissing me fiercely. I was surprised at his fiery touches – his hands slid up my back, underneath my shirt and that's when I pushed him away.

"You're still angry." I said.

"I'm not."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Don't lie."

He licked his lips with the tip of his tongue and I forced myself to look away, taking a large step backwards.

"What do you want from me, Marrim?"

I held back a smirk, "I want your trust. Is that too much to ask?"

"I trust you."

I snorted at his response and walked passed him towards the kitchen unit adjacent to the living area. I got down on my knees and opened the freezer, digging through until I finally found a packet of ice cream I'd kept hidden for exactly a time like this.

I slammed it down on the counter, opening a drawer to grab a large spoon. Devon's eyes were on me the entire time; I forced myself to look away as I headed towards the sofa, letting myself fall onto the old cushions while ripping open the ice cream pack.

Chocolate was a needed nourishment when having a bad day. Someone should declare an official holiday for all those needing chocolate the way I needed it at that moment.

"Was there anything else you wanted, Devon?"

He turned his hard gaze onto me and nodded, "Yeah, actually." There was a little tick near the corner of his mouth and he smiled this strange little smile I'd so far not seen on him. I rolled my eyes as I realized why he'd come and it got me even more fueled up.

"Are you kidding me?" I exclaimed jumping to my feet and planting my fists on my hips, "You thought you could come over here, try a lame excuse or an apology and then get me to bed?"  
"No. That wasn't what I was thinking."

"It's written all over your face, Devon."

"Dammit, Marrim!" He exhaled a breath and pinned me with a glare, "It's not about that. I want to be with you and I won't deny it but tonight – tonight isn't about sex. It's about just being with you. I _need_ to be with you."

I realized that whatever was going on with Asya was taking its toll on her brother. He was worried about her and I think he even feared for her.

I felt like an idiot right then and there and I sighed, "I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer, laying my head on his chest. I listened to his steady heartbeat, to his steady breathing. Force, I felt stupid.

"I'm sorry for being an idiot."

"Hush."

He lifted my chin with his finger and I trembled under his fierce gaze. He leaned forward and kissed me gently, nipping at my lip which made my legs feel boneless beneath me.

"If you want, I'll leave." He whispered when he pulled back. He reached up and tucked a strand of wayward hair behind my ear as he smiled, "I don't want to crowd you."

"I won't mind if you stay. I'd enjoy the company."

I pulled him down to the sofa with me, grabbing my ice cream and shoveling a large amount of the chocolate flavor into my mouth.

"Want some?" I asked offering him the spoon.

He shook his head and held up a hand, "Thanks."

"Are you sure? It's chocolate. Chocolate heals the soul for a while and whisks the worries away." I said in an exaggerated sweet voice which made him laugh.

I love the sound of that man's laugh.

"Please?" I batted my lashes his way and he laughed even more, "Pretty please?"

"Well, if you insist."

I fed him the spoon of ice cream and felt my stomach explode in a million tiny knots. He arched a brow after swallowing and smirked at me, "Do you have more?"

I laughed at him then and leaned over to place a small kiss on his cheek, "Of course I have more. But eat this first."

We ended up sharing two packs of chocolate ice cream while watching a silly movie over the holo net. Eventually I fell asleep in his arms, lying halfway on top of him while trying to get a comfortable position on the sofa.

I listened to his heart and to his breathing, feeling his muscled body beneath me – I dreamt of him and I think I slept with a smile on my face.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up late the next day and was surprised when I found myself all alone. There was a crumpled piece of flimsy on the table with Devon's scratchy handwriting. It was sometime past one o'clock in the afternoon and I groaned. I wanted to head and visit Ti'ana but I hadn't expected to sleep so long – duty called.

I had to be at work at three and I doubted my boss would have appreciated me coming in late after spending a week away.

I grabbed the piece of flimsy and rubbed sleep from my eyes. I would have loved to lay back down and venture back into the world of dreams but life went on, no matter my wishes.

_You look like an angel when you sleep and I didn't dare disturb. I'll call you later. Take care of yourself and be good._

Overall, the note was incredibly cute and I chuckled. But that last part got me thinking. Be good? I had the feeling he suspected I wanted to interfere with his privacy. I sighed and stretched before heading towards the fresher. Not only did I have to work but I needed to call Asya as well.

I didn't know her private com link frequency and there was no way I was calling Devon's apartment. I didn't know if Asya had already packed her stuff and left and if her brother found out I was snooping around behind his back, I'm quite certain he'd be furious with me.

I sat down at the holonet station in my living quarters, already dressed up in the hideous dark red outfit I was supposed to wear to work. The skirt was too short for my taste, barely reaching my knees and the white blouse was rather… translucent. But whatever it took to earn a little money to live a halfway normal life, I would do. Even if it meant being goggled by old men who tended to not be able to keep their hands to their selves. One of the girls I work with had had a fight with a customer just before Ti'ana had her accident.

Enforcement had shown up to arrest both of them and hurry them off to the hospital. I was surprised at the woman's strength.

I paged through the holonet's local frequency archive and after a few minutes, I had found Asya's listing. I grabbed my own comlink and took a deep breath before punching in the numbers to reach her. All the while, I couldn't help but wonder how Devon would react once he found out about me talking to his sister. And there was no doubt in my mind that he would find out.

"Hello?"

I jumped at the sudden voice and swallowed, "Uh…hi. Asya?"

"Yes?"  
"This is Marrim."

There was a long pause and for a moment I thought she'd cut the connection but then I heard a sigh and something like a grunt, "What do you want?"

"I thought we could talk. I mean, I know this is none of my business but –"

"No. It's none of your business. And I'm not happy about the fact that my stupid brother is having you spy on me."

"No! It's not like that." I blurted into the com link, hoping my voice wasn't as shaky as I felt inside, "He doesn't know I'm calling you. Actually, he doesn't even want me calling you. But I thought that you might need some help."

Asya sighed again, "I don't really believe you."

"Please, Asya. Hear me out. How about we go out for a cup of caf tonight? Devon will be working on his ship again, I guess?"

"As far as I know Devon won't even be on planet tonight."

And that response gave me halt. "He won't?"

"Nope. He has work to do. Making a run for one of those big companies again." She gave a mirthless laugh, "He'll be back tomorrow morning, I guess. What, didn't he tell you?"

"I suppose he forgot to mention it." And I hoped he did. He didn't have a reason to keep his job a secret.

"You know what, sure. Let's have caf tonight. We can talk about everything. Including my brother. I'm sure he's left out a few details of his life you're just aching to know about."

I didn't know what to say at that moment. Of course, I was curious about Devon's life but I wanted him to be the one to tell me on his own time. But I wanted to speak to Asya, as well.

"Alright. Do you know where the _Palais_ is?"

"The bar in the new district down town."

"Yes. Meet me there tonight at eleven."

I cut the com link and breathed out a sigh. A quick glance at the chrono on the wall told me I had another hour so I hurried to pack my things and headed to the hospital to see my sister.

When I stepped into the hospital room, I felt that something had changed. But not in a good way. I felt my heart pounding as I glanced around, looking for the Doctor and Alaris. Ti'ana lay on her bed, sleeping. I hurried to her side and grabbed her small hand, shocked at how cold she actually was. She was so very pale and her dark hair seemed to have lost color as well.

Ti'ana had always been so proud because our mother had kept telling her she had the most beautiful hair.

"Hey there, sis." I whispered as I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "How're you feeling today?"

Every time I talked to her, I hoped she would open her eyes and give one of her quirky and witty remarks. There had been times when I would grow angry with her for not answering me directly but now all I wished was for her to be the girl I remembered her to be.

"Guess what? Devon and I are close friends now. Thanks to you." I closed my eyes and pictured her sitting up and clapping, the way she did when she was happy about something. I pictured her smiling and laughing, hugging me because she was happy for the both of us.

"I think he likes me. And I like him." I chuckled as I held her hand, moving my thumb along her knuckles, "A lot actually. But you're too young to hear about all this love talk, right? Remember when I had my first boyfriend?" I turned my head away as tears clouded my vision, "You stuck you tongue out instead of shaking his hand."

I sighed, taking deep and steadying breaths, "I hope you get to do that to Devon as well. I think you would make him laugh."

I heard footsteps coming our way and straightened when the young Doctor came in. I kept forgetting his name and was grateful to see him wearing a tag with _Toyo_ printed on it.

"Doctor Toyo." I said with a slight nod.

"I'd just wanted to give you a call."

By the tone of his voice, I knew he didn't have good news for me. Inwardly I braced myself, "What's wrong?"

He sighed and I couldn't help but wonder how old he was. He seemed so young, so breakable. Curly dark hair was cut short, his face was cleanly shaven but his eyes held the sorrow of someone working with despair for far too long.

"We need to talk."

At the moment, I decided I hated those four words. I felt like there was a hole opening beneath my feet, swallowing me up. I didn't want to listen to what Toyo had to say. I wanted Ti'ana to be healthy again; I didn't want him to tell me she was getting worse!

I followed him into his office, my feet somehow moving on their own. I swallowed when I sat down in front of his desk and waited until he finally spoke. Time seemed to stop then – along with my heart.

"Alaris was here this morning, in case you're wondering where she is."

"It's alright. I'm certain she's doing the best she can."

Toyo nodded, "Of course. Unfortunately, it won't be enough." His voice was sincere but I noticed he had been doing this sort of work long enough to be unattached. His words were plain, the tone one of sadness and yet still one of a typical doctor.

"We've been running tests and something came up we missed."

He got to his feet and headed to a chart on the wall. He touched a small yellow button and lights around the chart flickered to life. There were three separate holo scans of my sister's brain. I couldn't 

make sense of anything; except that each hologram had small red dots that I knew didn't belong there.

"When your sister was brought in, she'd hit her head. At first we thought it was simple concussion but a few hours later she started developing symptoms, which led us to believe she was suffering from –"

I held up my hand, "You've told me this already and I didn't understand a word you were saying last time. What the hell's the matter with her?"

Toyo sighed, "Do you know where she fell?"

I shrugged, "It happened at school. What difference does it make?"

He moved back to his desk and punched a few buttons on a small pad embedded into the wooden table. Another hologram flickered to life, showing a small flower. My frowned deepened.

"The spores of this plant aren't dangerous to us when we touch it. But if the spores enter our blood stream, they can be deadly. They're coupled with bacteria that attacks the immune system."

"It's a plant!"

"I told you before that we thought Ti'ana was suffering from a rare brain disease, which she is. This alone wouldn't be a problem to treat. Coupled with these bacteria, it's grown out of control." He turned back to the charts and pointed at the red dots, "These are the bacteria – picture them as nanites if you will. They move along the blood stream and they grow in number."

"And you've only just discovered this now?" I asked in a low voice.

Toyo nodded, "We weren't looking for an infection."

"But Alaris – she can help, can't she?"

"She's doing the best she can. But even the Force has limits. She can push the bacteria away from the brain but she cannot destroy."

"But there has to be treatment!" I got to my feet and shook my head, "You're a doctor! You have to help her."

"There isn't much we can do for her." He sighed and I thought I saw his hands shaking, "We discovered this too late. I'm sorry."

"No." I shook my head, my nerves going haywire, "I can't accept this! She'll die if you won't help her!"

"I'm truly sorry."

I stumbled out of the hospital in a state of shock. I didn't care about anything at that moment. I was late for work – I didn't care. I was pretty sure my boss would fire me – I didn't care. I wanted the world to stop for just a few minutes; but life just went on even if I didn't want to be part of it.

I sat down on the front steps of the hospital, and lay my head in my hands. My little sister was dying.


	13. Chapter 13

I was at a loss at that moment; nothing made sense to me – absolutely nothing. The only thought coursing through my mind was of losing my sister, of again having to face death. I didn't want to accept it just because the young Doctor said it was so.

Ignoring the looks passers-by were giving me, I got up and closed my eyes. I breathed in the fresh cool air – and then I ran.

Away from the hospital, away from crawling death.

My next stop was a public archive belonging to the university. I hurried inside, not paying much thought to the students who gave me curious looks. I sat down in front of a console and began searching for similar medical cases, hoping to find something that would give me hope to save Ti'ana.

But after almost three hours, I gave up. I would find another Doctor to give me a second opinion but otherwise there wasn't much I could do.

I slumped into the chair, taking a quick look at the time showing on the screen in front of me. I had completely forgotten work. With a heavy sigh I left the archives and walked to the restaurant – my boss wasn't happy at all but I took his rude words in stride. I didn't care.

I explained to him about Ti'ana but he wouldn't hear it. In fact, he started saying things about her that were uncalled for.

I spoke my mind and I lost my job.

I walked home in a daze. I felt lost and alone.

When I got to the apartment, I kicked my shoes off, bending down to pick them up and throw them against the nearest wall. I ripped off my clothes while hurrying into Ti'ana's bedroom, opening our closet to retrieve comfortable clothing.

My mind whirled around the day's events and I decided I didn't want to be alone. If I stayed alone, I would go insane with worry and most of all hope.

I sat down before the com console and dialed Devon's number. Asya had said he was off planet but I hoped she was mistaken. Wouldn't he have told me if he'd be leaving for more than a day?

After several seconds, I heard his voice over the audio-only channel and _my_ voice suddenly faltered.

"Marrim?"

Tears clouded my sight and I felt like someone was choking me. I wanted to say something, I wanted to tell him what had happened at the hospital but I couldn't.

"Marrim? Is everything all right?"

I really tried forcing myself to say a word, even if it was only a simple "hi". Instead, I slumped to the floor and I cried.

I don't know how much time had passed. I was still lying on the floor when I heard someone pounding on the front door, slapping against the buzzer over and over again. I didn't want to move – I kept staring at the wall, my mind blank.

Whoever it was could come back later, I thought.

The next thing I felt was someone's hands running over my arms and picking me up off the floor. Still I stared, not wanting to acknowledge whoever was there. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, but I felt it was Devon. Distantly I remember asking myself how he'd gotten into my apartment…

His voice seemed far away, as he laid me onto something soft. The sofa maybe? Or Ti'ana's bed?

My heart lurched and I tried feeling my way around. If it was indeed Ti'ana's room, I needed to get out. Her bed would still smell of her, her room would still feel of her –

"Marrim!"

I snapped my head around and blinked a few times until I could make sense out of the man leaning over me. I was still in the living area, thank the Gods.

His blue eyes were narrowed and there were small lines on his forehead. His hands cupped my face and I felt him moving his thumbs back and forth, as if caressing.

I watched him as he watched me and without a conscious thought, I jerked upward and slung my arms around him. I couldn't stop the tears and I was grateful that he said nothing – he simply held me.

"Asya said you were leaving today." I said after what seemed like hours. I kept my voice low; I was sprawled half way across his lap and I felt his fingers move along my spine.

"My sister talks too much." He said acidly, "And it's not for another week."

Slowly I sat up and rubbed at my swollen eyes, "Where are you headed?"

Devon shrugged as he straightened into a more comfortable sitting position, "Nar Shadaa and back again."

I arched an eyebrow, "You're dealing with the Hutts?"

"I'm not. My boss is."

I sighed and dragged a hand through my hair, "Do I get to know what your job is?" I asked, hoping that I didn't sound annoyed.

"I deliver stuff. It's a shipment firm."

I wondered what kind of shipment he was talking about but I didn't ask.

"What time is it?"

"Almost eight o'clock." He blew out a breath, "What happened?"

That's right… Ti'ana… For a moment, I had almost forgotten. With his question images of her in the hospital bed returned, the Doctor telling me about her condition returned…

"Ti'ana's dying." I whispered, doing my best to hold back tears, "And I lost my job." I added after a moment.

Devon shifted his position so he could look at me. My hands suddenly seemed very interesting and I stared at my fingers entwined. I didn't want to see the sympathy in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered, reaching out to softly caress my cheek, "Marrim, if there's anything I can do, let me know."

Now what was I supposed to say to that? I hated accepting help from others, no matter who they were. I'd always been a person to take care of my problems on my own and I was good at it. But I'd always had my little sister at my side – her smile would light up my day and I'd keep telling myself that everything would be alright. She was always the bright spot when everything else seemed draped in darkness.

With the bright spot slowly diminishing, where would I go?

"I don't want to be alone." I said while slowly turning my head. Devon nodded once and pulled me into his arms.

It was sometime past ten in the evening when I remembered that I had told Asya to meet me at the bar at eleven. I was very tired and it seemed so was Devon. We lay sprawled on the sofa again, his lean form beneath me and he was sleeping soundlessly.

I got up as slowly as I could, trying my best not to make a sound. He grumbled something in his sleep and shifted position just a little but didn't wake up.

I weighed tiredness and curiosity in my mind and curiosity definitely won. And maybe it would give a distraction, even if only for an hour or two.

Would Devon be angry with me if I just snuck out? Maybe he'd still be asleep when I returned. I wasn't planning to stay out all night.

Walking on my toes, I hurried to get my jacket and scribbled a few lines on a piece of flimsy, just in case Devon woke up before I got home. I did think he would understand my personal need for a walk on my own, to clear my mind.

I took a longer look at his sleeping form on the sofa and smiled to myself. He had his hands folded on his stomach and he seemed peaceful. I wondered what he was dreaming? Had he ever dreamt of me before? And I had no clue where that thought came from but I still smiled just a little.

"I'll be back in a little while." I whispered, stopping myself when I reached out to stroke his face. Explaining to him why I was going out wasn't something I wanted to do right then and there.

I turned around and headed out to meet Devon's sister.

The night air was fresh and moist. It had rained throughout the evening and I avoided stepping into puddles on my way to the bar. I was way too early but I was surprised to see Asya already waiting for me. Her blond hair hung down her back in thick wavy strands and she wore another one of her very short skirts. A short jacket completed her ensemble and she stood shivering in the cold air.

"Asya?" I asked as I stepped closer and she jerked around.

"You're already here! Great!" She came closer with a wide smile on her face, "Let's go inside. It's freezing out here."

I groaned. "I'd rather not. Can we find a different place?"

I'd just gotten fired and I wasn't about to tell Asya about it. And I wasn't about to venture into the place with my head held high – through the tall windows I could see my ex-boss running around the place, giving his orders.

No, thanks.

"Uh… sure." Asya nodded the direction I had just come, "There's a caf house just down the street. Quiet and comfortable. We can talk there."

I nodded once and was utterly surprised when Asya hooked her arm through mine and led the way as if we were the best of friends. She started talking about how bad the weather was and how she wished, she could afford a trip to a sunny planet with blue water and a sandy beach. I listened and nodded once and a while, smiling here and there as to not seem rude.

I wasn't really interested in her favorite vacation spots but she went on about that as well. The positive thing was that I could picture these places very vividly and I wondered what sand would feel like on naked feet.

The caf house was indeed very comfortable. The colors were held in a dark green and there was a young man sitting at a piano, playing the most beautiful melody. It was mesmerizing and as I sat down opposite Asya, I kept gazing over to him, trying to memorize the notes.

A small female alien came our way to take our order. I'd never seen her species before but it was obvious she was a woman. Long dark hair fell around her shoulders; her eyes were slanted upward and held a peculiar yellow color. Where a nose would have been on a human, there was but sleek skin; her mouth was curved upward into a permanent smile but what struck me as very interesting were her ears. Pointed upwards and ridged they reminded me of tales I'd heard as a little girl, about little fairy beings with wings.

I ordered a hot cup of tea whereas Asya ordered a cup of caf with a shot of brandy. She sighed heavily as the waitress set the cup in front of her a while later and she inhaled the strong scent. "This is life, Marrim." She said with her eyes closed. I simply smiled.

"Enjoy it while it lasts." She held up her drink before taking a sip and leaning back in her chair. In the dim light of the caf house, I finally took notice of Asya's beautiful face. Her eyes were shining and her lips were curved upward into a welcoming smile. She seemed so nice and yet I held my distance, the skeptic rising.

I cleared my throat, "Can I ask you something?"  
"That is why we're here, is it not?"

I didn't like her tone of voice but I kept my small smile in place, "How come you and Devon don't get along?"

Asya sat up straight and ran a hand through her blond hair, "Well, his mother married my father. I was nine when my own mother died and when he met Ginelle, he was head over heels for her. Devon didn't like the idea of having to share his mother with me. Once our parents got married, we wouldn't stop fighting. He'd always find a reason."

I kept in mind that I was hearing only one version – I didn't know Asya. She might be telling the truth or she could also be lying.

"The reason he's angry at you know seems legitimate." I said holding on to my cup of tea with both hands. Her eyes glazed over with anger and I smirked just a little.

"You have no idea what's going on." She snapped.

I shrugged, "Then tell me about it."

The way she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms in front of her chest told me how young she really was. She reminded me of a spoiled teenage girl who didn't get her way and was out on revenge. Again, I reminded myself not to believe every word she said.

"Maxx and I aren't just a fling." She said, "When I asked Devon to stay at his place for a little while, I hadn't expected to meet him here."

"You've known each other for a while then?"

Asya nodded, "We met a few years ago. Devon hated him back then and he doesn't like him now."

"Why?"

"Maxx was involved in a drug incident a while back. And Devon's certain he's still involved. I don't think so."

I frowned, "Because Maxx said he wasn't?"

Her eyes narrowed, "Don't you dare assume you know him."

"I'm not. I'm just trying to make sense of this."

"I believe it when Maxx tells me he's stopped with the dealing, alright? Devon doesn't because supposedly he'd seen Maxx on one of his shipment runs a few days ago."

"And that's why he threw you out?"  
"He threw me out because I told him to shove it." She leaned forward and grabbed her cup, taking a large gulp, "He's a hypocrite." She went on in a dark voice and I raised my brows, "He isn't any better. Before he moved to Denon, he helped smugglers get whatever it was they needed. It wouldn't even surprise me if he was one of those wanted smugglers. It was this big scandal back home." She eyed me and smiled, "He's a criminal – I know it."

"But you can't prove it." I said matter-of-factly. She turned away from me and I shook my head, "Did you think this would shock me enough to leave Devon?"

"It's not about that. I just want you to know the truth about him."

"Because he hurt you and now you want to hurt him?"

Asya didn't reply and I knew I had guessed correctly. Indeed, how young she truly was.

"He's still running shipments, you know that right?"

I nodded curtly, "Yes. He told me."

"Maybe he's gone back to his old roots."

"Maybe."

"Aren't you curious?"

I narrowed my eyes and leaned forward, "No, I'm not. If Devon has something to tell me, he'll tell me."

"I'd love to know what he's up to." The tone of her voice gave her away and I laughed at her.

"Gods, Asya! Look at you! You pretend to be all grown up when in fact you're a little girl. You're desperately searching for a way to get back at your brother, no matter the consequences."

"He abandoned me when I needed his help!"

Other guests in the caf house were taking notice and I lowered my voice, "You're angry, I understand that. But this isn't the way to go."

"Maxx needs help, Marrim. He's in trouble and Devon has the means to help him. But he's refusing. He keeps saying Maxx is the reason why I turned out the way I am. It's not true!"

"Asya, can you blame him?"

"You don't understand anything!" She got to her feet, almost making her caf mug topple over, "I don't even know why I came here to begin with."

I watched as Asya marched from the caf house.

When I got home, Devon was still lying on the sofa but the holonet was running and I knew he was awake. I held back a grimace and smiled slightly as he sat up and raised his brows in question, "Have a nice walk?" He asked.

It was obvious he didn't really believe the little note I'd written.

"Yeah, actually. It was rather informative if I might say so." I sat down beside him and sighed, "Sleep tight?"

"I woke up almost an hour ago. How about next time you leave like this, you take your comlink along with you?"

Ha! He'd been worried about me! It made me feel all fuzzy inside. "I'll remember it."

He leaned towards me and gave me a little kiss. Nothing forceful, just a peck but it was nice. "Which part of your walk was informative?"

I sighed and wrinkled my nose, "The part in which I met your sister."

There was a sudden quietness – an eerie silence – spreading throughout the room. Even the late night movie on the holonet was very low. I watched him as he leaned back, his face a mask of stone. I couldn't see any emotion flicker within his eyes but I was pretty certain he was angry at me.

"I had asked you to stay out of this." He whispered in a dark tone.

I cleared my throat, "I know. I didn't."

I got up and shrugged out of my coat, all the while feeling his stare on me.

"What did she say?" He asked as I came back from Ti'ana's room wearing a plain long shirt and old shorts.

"Nothing of importance. She's pissed at you, that's for sure."

Devon jumped from the sofa and walked towards me, "Why did you do this, Marrim?"

I sighed, "Because I wanted answers."

"And?"  
"I didn't really get answers. Except that this Maxx person is involved in something but I'd already figured as much."

I saw him swallow, "Did she tell you _anything_ about me?"

I sighed before I nodded, "As I said, nothing of importance."

"What did she say?" His voice was only a whisper and I thought he was shaking.

I stepped closer and laid my hands on his chest. It felt good to feel his warmth, "Something about smuggling. I think. She wasn't really making all too much sense." I tried a small smile to lighten up the moment but Devon was still. A statue in my living area, his eyes blazing with anger.

Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to talk with Asya after all.


	14. Chapter 14

Devon didn't have a chance to answer. On the one hand, I was glad but on the other hand, I was frozen stiff, my legs wanting to move but my mind refusing to let them. My eyes darted to the comm console, the screen suddenly lit with the crest of the hospital. I knew it was too late for this to be a call with good news about Ti'ana. I trembled because I knew something was wrong.

The _bleep bleep_ of the console grew louder and slowly my brain registered what was going on. I glanced at Devon who seemed to know exactly what was going through my mind. The discussion topic about Asya was forgotten for the time being…

"Do you want me to answer?" Devon asked softly and I could only nod my head. Tears clouded my vision as he walked forward and pressed the receiving button.

Instead of a small hologram, the screen flickered to life, showing an ashen Doctor Toyo. For a second his brows drew together on his forehead but then he saw me standing in the background and took a breath, "You should hurry to see your sister, Miss Laidli. There's nothing more we can do for her."

Devon nodded and told the Doctor we'd be there as soon as possible – I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything except repeat the Doctor's words in my mind, over and over and over again.

He came towards me and I snapped out of this strange daze when his hands touched my shoulders, "We need to hurry, Marrim." He whispered and I nodded.

Yes, I needed to hurry to say good-bye to my sister…

Devon helped me into his groundcar and we sped to the hospital – I didn't say a single word throughout the drive. I listened to the quiet sounds of the engines, to the way the wind whistled around us. I listened to Devon operating the car by pressing down on the pedals with his foot or activating the lights by pressing down on a button on the dashboard. He sighed and turned his head towards me and I was grateful when I felt him take my hand in his, squeezing slightly. Maybe it was to reassure me, maybe to let me know that he would be with me every step of the way.

I was grateful either way.

It didn't take us long to arrive at the hospital but as the building loomed in front of us, I felt my body start to shake. I could hardly keep my hands still as I realized what was about to happen.

I stepped out of the groundcar and forced myself to walk, knowing Devon was right beside me. It felt like ages walking down the dim lit corridors, the scent of medicine and disinfectant in the air, further spurning my nervousness.

An elderly woman sat at the reception, a bright smile on her face as we approached her. How could anyone be happy when someone was dying right under their noses?

It was an irrational behavior but I didn't want to talk with her. She had the nerve to smile at me when my sister was dying? Devon stepped up and told her what she needed to know and before I knew it, Devon was pulling me down the hallway towards a lift to the third floor of the hospital. They had moved Ti'ana into a different room – for children, I noticed once I stepped inside. The walls were decorated with pictures of various teddy bears and the newest holo cartoon heroes from the net. Ti'ana would have loved this room had she been able to see it. Everything was yellow and pink, her favorite colors.

My breath caught in my throat as I saw her lying there on a new and larger bed. Her dark hair was fanned out on the white pillow, her skin pale and ashen. It looked like she was sleeping and for just a moment I wanted to pretend she was. I wanted to pretend she would wake up soon and the last few weeks had only been a bad dream. I wanted to pretend I could hold her in my arms and we could laugh and make fun of each other the way we used to.

I wanted to pretend that none of this had ever happened.

I walked forward, holding my breath and sat down on the bed next to her. I reached out to grab her hand – her skin was ice cold and I could hear her ragged breathing. The machines around her beeped in a steady rhythm but here and there I could hear a beep that didn't belong – and the longer I sat there listening, I could make out irregularities I knew couldn't be good.

"I miss you, Ti'ana." I whispered, raising her hand to my lips, "I wish you could come back."

Even though I still held hope in my heart that she would miraculously heal from within, my mind knew it was only wishful thinking. I remember a line in a book I once read: "Hope prolongs the suffering of man" and at that very moment I knew the line to be correct.

Because while I hoped, I felt small pieces of myself breaking. Once Ti'ana faded away, I would be a completely different person. It scared me to be alone without my sister and it scared me to be different.

I felt Devon come up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. His warmth felt wonderful, an anchor into the real world since I knew my own was slipping away from me.

I heard footsteps from behind us and I didn't have to turn around to know it was Doctor Toyo. I didn't want to speak with him – I wanted to stay with my sister without anyone interrupting.

He cleared his throat but I ignored him but then a soft, female voice spoke up and I turned around, surprised to see Alaris, "I am truly sorry, child." She whispered, "This has grown beyond what a Jedi can heal."

I only nodded. I wanted them to leave and after a few minutes of utter silence, they seemed to get the picture.

I wanted Ti'ana to open those brown eyes and smile at me, I wanted to hear her laugh one last time. I wanted to hold her before she left.

Taking a deep breath, I scooted forward and as gently as I could, I pulled her towards me. It took a moment longer before I could cradle her in my arms – I laid her head on my shoulder, listening to her breaths, to her beating heart. I rocked her back and forth while I closed my eyes, fighting back tears. This couldn't be happening… Ti'ana was the last of my family… and she was leaving me as well.

The unfairness of it all bombarded me at that moment and I let the tears flow. I cried and I didn't hold back, sobbing loudly while I clutched my sister to my chest. I didn't care if Devon saw me breaking down, I didn't care when Toyo returned with a nurse in his wake. All I cared about was my sister.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Toyo turn of the machines and thankfully the beeping sounds ceased. The room grew quiet, eerily so but I didn't care. I started humming Ti'ana's favorite lullaby, forgetting half the words as I started to sing.

In my arms, she seemed so beautiful and I couldn't help but wonder what kind of life she might have led had she been given the chance. She would be missing so much and it wasn't fair.

Ti'ana took one last raspy breath and then the universe as I knew it broke apart.

I remember the voice of our mother and her sweet smile when she read us bed time stories. At the time I would roll my eyes and laugh but Ti'ana had loved the worlds of make believe with fairies and dwarves and mystical creatures that could grant three wishes.

I wanted a mystical creature of my own to grant me the wish of life to give to my sister.

I don't know how much time passed. I sat holding Ti'ana and I cried for her, I cried for a life she wouldn't be able to live and I cried for myself. I finally understood that she was dead.

Dead.

Lifeless.

Cold.

"Marrim." I felt Devon's warm hands touch my shoulders, caressing my neck with his thumb as I wept for a life that had been taken far too soon. I heard voices as I rocked Ti'ana back and forth but I didn't understand their words. Nothing held meaning enough for me to tear my attention away from my sister.

"You have to come back." I whispered, leaning forward to place a kiss on her nose, "Don't leave me alone. You're my sunshine, remember?"

"Marrim, let go."

"I can't live in a world without my sunshine." I couldn't bring myself to look at Devon. I burned Ti'ana's sleeping image into my mind – she seemed so peaceful…

"You can't go, Ti'ana." I kept repeating over and over again, shaking my head, not wanting to accept her death. All this could have easily just been a bad dream…

"Marrim." I felt his breath on my cheek as he whispered in my ear, "Let go."

His hands grasped mine – large hands to protect and hold close. Those hands would protect me, wouldn't they? He wouldn't let darkness take over… Because he cared for me, didn't he?

Completely confused and completely at a loss, I let my sister go.

I woke up in an unfamiliar room. The thing that amazed me was the window in the ceiling. The sky outside was dark, sprinkled with golden dust – stars twinkled in different colors, a rainbow on the carpet of space.

I was lying on an enormous bed and my heart started pounding. Frowning, I sat up and scanned the room with narrowed eyes. Everything was held in an innocent white; the closet embedded into the wall to my left, the dresser to my right, decorated with holopictures in white frames. Even the silky sheets were a startling white.

A door opposite the bed swished aside and Devon walked in, a data pad in his hands. His fingers literally stabbed at it and he grumbled incoherent words under his breath. A long moment past before he looked up and smiled. "You're awake."

"Where am I?"

"My place. I didn't think you'd have wanted to go home."

Realizing the truth in his words, I pulled my knees to my chest and looked away as tears threatened to flow. I didn't want him to see me cry, remembering the little episode I had had in the hospital.

The pain came back full force and I had trouble breathing. Too much death had already followed me throughout my life and now my precious sister had been taken at well. Where was the fairness? What had we done to deserve all this?

The thought of being alone scared me so much that I started to shiver. I swallowed a lump in my throat and forced myself to calm down. "What happened? How come I'm here?" I turned to face Devon, laying my head on my knees.

"You blacked out." He sat down on the bed next to me, reaching out for my hand, "The Doctor wanted to keep you there but Alaris said no."

I raised my brows, "Why would she do that?"  
He shrugged, "Said that physically you were fine and all you needed was a little rest. She can be quite persuasive, that little woman. And so now you're here."

"This is your bedroom." I stated taking another look at the white interior, "How long have I been here?"

"Two days."

I stared at him, "I've been asleep for two days?"

He shrugged but didn't comment. Ti'ana had been gone for two days already. I knew they kept her body in the morgue and the thought sickened me. Her small body would be frozen, waiting for the upcoming funeral…

"I hope you don't mind that you're here." He said softly, "I mean, if you want to leave –"

"No." I was grateful and content that Devon didn't speak of Ti'ana. For the time being – even if only for a few minutes – I wanted a clear mind. "Thank you."

I entangled myself from underneath the sheets and hugged him. And that's when I realized the long, black shirt I was wearing, a piece of clothing that wasn't mine. "Did you undress me?"

He turned away from me and cleared his throat, his cheeks a sudden bright red and I almost smiled.

"Alaris sort of helped. I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head, "I don't." And I honestly didn't. He was caring for me and that's what was important.

"Are you hungry?"

I nodded, "Starved."

"I'll go get you something." He leaned over to kiss my cheek and then he left, all the while smiling at me with a twinkle in his blue eyes. When the door closed behind him, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, touching my bare feet to a carpeted floor – white, of course.

I noted to ask him about the color once he got back. I walked to the dresser with the holopictures, wondering who the people were that smiled back at me. There was a picture of a young couple and I raised my brows as I recognized Devon. He was holding a pretty blond girl in his arms, both of them smiling and laughing – she waved at the camera and the picture began to flicker anew.

I felt a stab of jealousy and frowned at myself. "Stop being stupid."

The other pictures were of his family. Asya as a little girl sitting on their father's lap, Devon as a boy playing with his sister and their parents standing next to each other, holding hands and smiling as if they had just recently fallen in love.

I turned away from the picture, feeling heartbroken at the sight of them. I once had a loving family just like them. But the Vong had come along and destroyed everything I had held dear and now Ti'ana had died – why?

I took a deep breath and sat back on the bed, closing my eyes and trying to regain the last threads of control I could grasp.

Devon returned a while later, a tray in both his hands, which he placed on the bedside table. I smiled at perfectly arranged fruits and a glass of juice, "Thank you, Devon."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." He knelt on the floor and grasped both my hands, kissing my knuckles before he lifted his gaze, "If I could…" His voice trailed off and took a moment to take a breath, "I'm so sorry, Marrim. I would take your pain if I could. And I'm here for you. I just wanted you to know that."

I wiped tears from my cheeks and smiled. It was wonderful to actually hear those words, to know that I might not have to go through the next days alone. I knew life would get harder come the hour I had to sign the paperwork for Ti'ana's funeral. And it needed to be soon, I knew. And I hated it.

Devon pulled me into a warm hug and I sat on the floor with him for a long while, listening to his heart and his breathing, gripping his shirt as I grieved.

When the door to the bedroom opened again and Asya stepped inside, I grew cold. Devon got to his feet and gone was the caring man from just seconds ago. His eyes blazed with such an anger that I shivered.

"Here you are!" Asya exclaimed but she knew better than to come closer, "I've been trying to reach you all day."

"What the hell are you doing here?"  
"I still have stuff here, dear brother. I came to pick it up."

"Hurry the kriff up and go."

I placed a hand on his arm, shifting my gaze between him and his sister, wondering why he disliked her so much.

Asya laughed and turned around, the door closing behind her. Devon's hands had balled into fists and still he stared at the door.

"Eat with me." I said hoping to divert his attention, "I feel silly eating alone when there's someone in the room with me." I bent down to retrieve a small red fruit that already smelled delicious. "Here." I placed the fruit to his lips and chuckled when he bit into it, drops of juice dripping to his shirt.

"Things with you and Asya aren't good, are they?" I asked slowly.

"No. And I don't want to talk about it."

I nodded, dropping the subject. I didn't want to fight with him. "Will you take me to the morgue later on?"

"Tomorrow. It's almost midnight."

"Tomorrow then."


	15. Chapter 15

The next few days passed by quickly. I hadn't spent a single day in my apartment. Devon accompanied me when I needed a few belongings but otherwise I found it too painful to stay near Ti'ana's things. I was grateful that Devon let me stay at his place for a little while but I knew I'd have to get on with my life sooner or later.

I went to see Ti'ana one last time. Preparing her funeral… I was detached at the time. The hospital personnel helped me a great deal but when it came to the date, it was up to me. I had a big problem with the fact that I was the one who would initially have her body cremated.

That last day, she looked like she was sleeping. Her face was pale, ashen and grey. I let strands of her hair slip through my fingers but the softness was gone. It felt hard, almost brittle. I missed the rosiness of her cheeks and I found myself wishing that she would open her eyes so I could remember the chocolate brown without the sickness mirroring within them.

I said my silent good-bye, holding her hand for a little while. I spoke to her, telling her everything and anything – and then I left.

The funeral was held on a private part of the cemetery. As strange as it was, I found myself taking in the scenery and it was beautiful. A grassy landscape with blooming flowers, tall trees growing to the sky, a beautiful golden sun lighting up the planet. Not many people buried their dead but there were a few headstones – some plain some decorated so elaborately, that no one would have expected them to actually be headstones.

The funeral pyre was simple. Ti'ana little body lay atop it, her hands folded over her chest. She wore a white, satin gown for her special day – it was a dress she had seen when we had first arrived on Denon but we could never afford it. I didn't want her to be dressed in ugly garb for her funeral. I told Devon about the gown and he had bought it for her – spending over two hundred credits so Ti'ana could at least wear her dress one time.

I wondered if she was watching us? Would she be happy about the dress?

I hadn't asked for anyone to speak at the funeral. I had thought up a few words but in the end, while standing there, I couldn't get myself to move. Devon held me close while an elderly man – a priest of various religions – spoke kind words of how the dead would move on, of how it was not fair to take someone at this young an age. His words were true and they hurt. I felt tears sliding down my cheeks but I didn't sob. I stood with Devon – the two of us alone – and together we said good-bye to a beautiful child.

But the picture of the flames engulfing her body would haunt me in my dreams.

Three days later, I received a message from the company owning the building. I hadn't paid the rent on time, having to deal with other much more pressing matters. I had a decision to make. Stay in the small apartment or move out completely. Either way, I would have to go through Ti'ana's things and ask myself what to do with them.

I was standing near the window in Devon's living room, just staring and wanting not to think. I thought about the past and what would have turned out differently if my parents hadn't died in the war. Which act had led to the fateful day my sister died?

Devon came up behind me. I felt his warm breath on my neck as he leaned down, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him – he was like my rock. Always there when I needed him.

"You're very welcome to stay with me." He whispered.

I closed my eyes. It was way too soon to permanently move in with him. "I was thinking of finding another place, you know? I need to find another job first, though." I turned around in his arms and sighed, "Thanks for the offer, though."

I saw disappointment in his eyes but he hid it with a smile, "Are you sure? You've been here all this time. It wouldn't make that much of a difference."

He was right, of course, but all the while I was staying with him, I knew I could leave whenever I pleased. "Let's talk about this some other time." I said, taking his hands in mine, "It's late and right now all I really want to do is – nothing."

"Nothing?"  
"Yeah. Just sit around and do nothing."

"Stare-into-space-kind of nothing? Or watch a movie kind of nothing? Or have dinner kind of nothing?"

I laughed at him. The first laugh in what seemed like an eternity. "How about all three kinds of nothings?"

"Sounds wonderful to me." He reached up to tuck a few strands of hair behind my ear and I was again struck by the question as to how I even deserved this man? He'd become my best friend in such a short time and I was almost certain that I was falling in love with him as well. I hardly knew him and here he was asking me to move in with him…

The door chime sounded throughout the apartment and I grimaced. I just had the feeling that it would be Asya and she would ruin the plans of doing nothing. Devon moved away from me, creating a gap I wanted him to fill again, and palmed open the lock. As expected Asya stood there, her clothes wet from a slight drizzle. Her usually blond hair was dyed a deep red and she wore the strangest outfit, consisting of black leather and silver chains and pins.

"What freak show did you drop out of?" Devon asked, ignoring Asya's attempts to enter his home.

"You need to let me in, Dev."

"Nope. I told you to leave, you left and now we're through."

He went to close the door but Asya's next words stopped him, "They're back, Devon." Her voice was shaky, "And they're going to kill me."

I stood there, gaping at the both of them. Asya shook from head to toe, evident fear in her eyes. Devon seemed angry yet worried at the same time. Again, I knew nothing about him. And here I was wondering what this new event was all about.


	16. Chapter 16

Devon reached forward and grabbed Asya's wrist in a firm grip. He pulled her into the apartment and silently he closed the door behind her. My eyes wandered from Devon to his sister and back again. It felt like there was a ticking bomb between them and at any minute it would go off and I really didn't want to be in the middle of it.

"Did they follow you?" Devon asked quietly, finally turning around. The softness in his face had vanished, replaced by defined hard lines that showed a man who'd been through quite a lot in his life.

"I don't know." Asya's voice cracked while she shook her head. It was obvious that she'd been crying. Puffy blue eyes glanced upward into her brother's face and I saw hope there, along with fear and despair. "I went to meet up with Maxx but he wasn't home. I think someone broke into his apartment." She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands. "I was on my way to the club we wanted to go to. I thought that maybe he'd gone along without me. But I saw old friends instead."

"Old friends?" I asked when I detected sarcasm in Asya's voice.

Devon turned towards me and I knew he was about to tell me to stay out of it. For my own protection no doubt but I wasn't having any of his macho crap. I cared for Devon and if he didn't want to watch out for his sister, then I would.

After all, family is everything. No matter what Asya did, Devon needed to find it in his heart to forgive her because someday it would be too late. He would lose her, his only sister.

"Devon, I want to know what's going on." I said in a soft voice while I stepped closer. I reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "I care for you." I swallowed back a lump in my throat and suddenly realized that tears were stinging my eyes. "A great deal, actually. Whatever this is, I want to help you. I want to be there for you. Just like you've been there for me all this time."

"Marrim, we're talking about dangerous people."

I chuckled mirthlessly. "I caught that bit."

"This isn't a game –"

"I know, Devon!" I raised my voice a fraction, frustrated. "I'd just like an explanation, that's all."

Asya trembled as she lifted her eyes towards me and then back to her brother. She shuffled past us then and took a seat on the sofa underneath the window, drawing her short jacket closer about herself. "I saw murder in their eyes, Dev." She whispered, barely audible. "They did something to Maxx, I just know it."

"Are you sure that the people you saw –"

"Dorvan and Kell." She said, staring into nothingness. "I would recognize them anywhere."

Devon stiffened and balled his hands into fists. I watched how his muscles worked underneath his skin, how he took a deep breath and dragged both hands through his disheveled blond hair.

"Who are they?" I asked again.

"I used to work with them." Devon said slowly, avoiding eye contact. The mere fact that he didn't even look at me told me that there was a lot about him that I didn't know, things that might even scare me.

I mean, if he had worked with these dangerous men – as he had so lightly put it – does that mean that he had been of the dangerous type himself?

Devon leaned against the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I swear, if they followed you I will personally wring that scrawny neck of yours."

"Devon!" I said, aghast.

"You have no idea what these guys are capable of, Marrim. Asya does and she should know better!"

Asya sniffled. "I don't think they followed me. I don't even think they saw me there. But I think they were at Maxx' place and my stuff is there and if they found him, they'll find me and they're going to kill me."

I about had enough of all the killing talk. There had been enough death in the past few days.

"Tell me about these men." I said firmly and I wasn't going to let Devon weasel his way out of it, either. The thought of having a future with him had crossed my mind more than once and if I wanted to go down that road, I needed to know the truth.

Devon sighed and closed his eyes. "I've known Kell for years. After my Mom died I needed somewhere to vent. There was this gang of boys that would take on jobs from various crime bosses. Little things, nothing too big. Nothing that would get us into too much trouble. Until Kell hooked up with Dorvan. I looked up to Kell. He was bigger than me, taller and he would take no crap from anyone. But with Dorvan – he changed."

I saw that it was uncomfortable for him to be telling me this but I didn't care.

"Petty thefts turned into battery and assault. We would steal anything and everything to earn a little bit of money, even from our boss. Dorvan took it too far. He got greedy, he felt invincible because he'd never been caught. So he tried to blackmail our boss, a Rodian we nicknamed Fat Tony. Of course, Fat Tony wasn't stupid. He caught Dorvan stealing from him, even stealing his woman. And they fought. Dorvan killed Fat Tony and took over. Kell stayed by his side, saying it was the best deal ever. With all the money we could earn. I didn't want to take part in it, which they considered betrayal. Dorvan sent his goons out to find me but they never did."

"They found me instead." Asya said quietly.

"They threatened to kill Asya if I didn't step forward and face the consequences of turning my back against them."

"Instead, I volunteered to work for them." Asya said. "If they left Dev alone, I would work for them."

"Work for them how?" I whispered softly. I knew the answer already. It was written all over her face. She shifted her gaze and I saw she was ashamed.

"Anything they asked of me. They would have killed Dev otherwise. And they might have went after Mom and Dad, too." She shrugged. "I didn't see any other choice."

"You could have just let them come."

I began to understand the animosity between Devon and Asya. Devon was angry at her for working for his old friends, putting herself in danger to save him. It was stupid really. It was so stupid that I actually found myself growing angry at Devon.

"You can't be serious." I whispered, shaking my head. "She was simply trying to help you and –"

"She _sold_ herself for those bastards."

"I did what needed to be done, Devon!" Asya jumped up and glared at her brother accusingly. "I couldn't stand by and watch them kill you. I saved your life."

Devon glowered at her and didn't speak a word. Instead he turned towards me and extended a hand for me to grasp. "I'm taking you home, Marrim."

"Why?" I asked with a frown.

"Because it's not safe here anymore. We don't know if Asya was followed or not. If she was, I don't want you to be here."

"Devon, I –" But I stopped. In his eyes I saw fear, fear for my well being. I didn't argue, I gave in. "I'll get my stuff."


	17. Chapter 17

The ride back to my place was quiet. I sat next to Devon in his groundcar, watching him from the corner of my eye. He seemed tired, exhausted and tense at the same time.

I wished that all this could have been a dream. Ti'ana's death, Devon and Asya involved with the wrong people – hell, even the Vong war. All I yearned for was an average, normal life. Was that too much to ask?

Devon parked the groundcar in front of my building on a vast parking lot that was mostly empty. We got out together, he locked up and took my hand as we walked to the front entrance. I was at a loss for words. The silence was unnerving.

I went for my keycard, which I had stashed in the back pocket of my pants. Devon held out his hand for it and I frowned. "I am perfectly capable of opening a door on my own, Devon." I tried on a small, innocent smile but it didn't much work.

"Consider it a precaution." He winked at me and since I wasn't in the mood to argue with him, I handed him my keycard. He slipped it through the slot next to the door and it opened with a slight swish.

The living room was just as I had left it.

Cold and empty.

I started shaking as I realized I was going to have to stay here on my own. Alone. It would be the first night after Ti'ana's funeral. I swallowed and fought back an onslaught of anxiety.

I kept telling myself that I could do this. I knew I could do this.

And anyway, life had to go on, right?

"Will you be okay?"

I nodded as Devon came closer. "If I thought there was a different way…" He sighed and took my hand in his. "If you want, I can check you into a hotel."

I had to laugh. What a ludicrous thought. "I won't run. I'm done running."

Devon sighed and reached up to touch my face. His fingers wandered along my cheek ever so gently. "I'm sorry, Marrim." He whispered. "You don't deserve this. You've been through so much already and now if Asya –"

"Hey." I placed my hand above his. "We don't know if whoever Asya saw even followed her. Don't worry. I'm sure everything will be fine."

"I hope you're right." But something in his voice told me that he didn't really believe his own words.

With a sigh he leaned forward and kissed me. Just a short kiss before he touched his forehead to mine. "If anything happened to you…"

"Don't think like that."

"I don't have a choice. I know what these men are capable of."

"Devon, I'm safe here. I'm safe with you." I cupped his face in my hands and searched his eyes. The doubt I saw nearly tore me apart. I stood on my toes and kissed him softly. It took a moment for him to wrap his arms around me but when he did, I relaxed.

A long while passed before he broke the kiss and looked at me with drowsy eyes. Although I knew I would be fine on my own in the apartment, I didn't want him to leave. I really didn't. I wasn't afraid, not as much as I had expected to be, all I wanted was his companionship.

"Are you sure you'll be alright here?" He asked in a low voice.

"I don't want to be alone tonight. I want you to stay."

Surprised flittered across his face. "Marrim, I don't –"

"Please." My cheeks lit up with a blush. But honestly, what if? What if Asya was right and these goons would find him and hurt him? What if this was indeed the only time we had together? I didn't want to believe it but the sane part of my mind kept asking what if. "Don't leave me alone tonight."

"Asya –"

"—will be alright." I reached up and twirled my fingers in his thick, blond hair. I felt his warm breath against my face, felt his body heat through is clothes. I bit my lower lip as anticipation coursed through me. "Stay with me."

Again, I kissed him. Just a nip, a sort of invitation for him to continue. And after what seemed like forever, he reciprocated and by the Gods, it knocked the wind out of me. He'd been holding back, that was for sure.

His hands were soft on my body as he found his way underneath my shirt. I helped him out of his coat and it fell to the floor in a silent flourish. It was an indescribable feeling as we explored one another – tingles went through me as he trailed kisses along my neck, as he pulled me closer with strong hands on my hips.

He took a tiny step back and pulled his shirt over his head and I admired what I saw. He was a trained, athletically built man – amazing and mine.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered against my lips, his breathing hard as he held me. "Surely, I don't deserve you."

I chuckled at his statement. If anything, I was the one who did not deserve him.

"Hush." I whispered and silenced him with a kiss, slowly pulling him down towards the floor.


	18. Chapter 18

Devon left early in the morning. He'd written a note and left it on the table telling me that he'd call when he got the chance. I remember a soft kiss before I heard the door close behind him. I'd been exhausted – I had wanted him to stay for as long as possible because I had a feeling that things were going to get complicated.

I lay on the sofa for a long while, somehow afraid to move. I felt like I was inside a protective bubble and if I moved an inch it would burst. But I knew I had to face the empty apartment and what time better than the present?

I kept my mind occupied with thoughts of the previous night. Devon had been amazing. I felt a small smile creep onto my face and I couldn't help the little giggle that escaped. But then I felt horrible as well. I was in a rather good mood even though Ti'ana had just recently died. It just felt _wrong_.

About an hour passed before I finally got up the courage to leave the sofa. I headed towards Ti'ana's room first. I stood in the doorway just looking. Her toys were still scattered on the floor, her stuffed animals still sitting on her bed as if waiting for her to return. Her closet was slightly ajar and I saw her clothes, clothes she would never have to wear again.

Tears clouded my vision. My throat seized up and I had to leave. I closed the door and leaned against the wall, catching my breath. I wondered how long it would take until I finally understood, until I finally realized that Ti'ana wasn't going to come back.

I preoccupied myself with cleaning. Obviously, I avoided her room but I knew the time would come when I would have to clear it out. I was still looking for a new apartment – smaller and cheaper. Without a job, I couldn't afford this one anymore. As a matter of fact, without a job I couldn't afford anything.

So life went on. With or without my sister.

The next few hours I spend going through the holonet, searching through various employment ads. There were a few jobs that spiked my interest and I saved the addresses and frequency numbers. I would call them the next day, I told myself.

I leaned back in my chair and sighed, feeling lonely all of a sudden. Devon had said he'd call and I felt like a clingy little girl but I called him instead. The mere thought of him made me smile, made me happy.

But as nearly a minute past without him answering his comlink, that smile faltered. It wasn't like him not to answer.

It took maybe half a millisecond and I had made my decision to hurry to his place. I knew something was wrong, I could feel it. I was afraid for him, scared that he'd gotten in between Asya and those goons. What if something had happened to him? I would lose my sanity, I knew it.

I grabbed my coat, slipped into my boots and I ran. My heart thundered beneath my chest as the fear for Devon grew. I trembled as I thought up scenarios I'd seen in mafia holomovies. But maybe he was just caught up in work. Maybe he was at the spaceport working on his ship. I held close to that thought. I simply hoped.

I arrived at his apartment a little while later. The door was ajar. I kept close to the wall as I peeked through a slight gap. Light poured into the hallway. There wasn't a single sound, only my breathing. When I was sure that there wasn't anyone in the apartment, I had to widen the gap with my hands. The controls were fried.

When I walked into the apartment, I gaped in shock. The place was a mess, ransacked. There were scorch marks along the walls, Devon's furniture toppled over on the floor. Shards of glass littered the thick carpet and I saw drops of blood leading into the bedroom.

I felt sick to my stomach as I entered his private domain. The pictures standing on the dresser had been smashed. More scorch marks along the walls and more drops of blood.

I was at a loss of words. I didn't know what to do. I felt completely helpless.

With shaking fingers, I fumbled for my comlink in the inside pocket of my coat. The only sane thing to do was call for Enforcement but I knew they wouldn't be able to do anything. If I assessed the situation correctly, the men Devon had been dealing with were beyond the law.

But what else could I do? I had to do something, if only to satisfy myself, to tell myself that I had least tried to do something, anything.

I flicked open my comlink and punched in the code for Enforcement. The voice on the other end answered almost instantly, a tight clipped voice of a young female officer.

I didn't have a chance to reply. I heard footsteps from behind me and when I turned around, I took an involuntary step backward.

The man standing in the doorway was hideously disfigured. He looked like a monster from old children's stories or folk tales. Half his face was a big burn scar. His left eye was melted shut, his nose only a stub while his lips were fine white lines. He was tall and broad and he scared me half to death.

"You looking for someone, sweetheart?" He asked in a deep, ugly voice.

I made sure I kept the comlink open, hoping the officer on the other end was listening.

"Who are you?"

He laughed menacingly and I shivered, taking another step back.

"Just a friend." He said. "No need to be afraid."

"I…uh…" I swallowed, trying to figure out what to say, what to do. "I was looking for someone." It was a stupid thing to say. "I don't –"

"You looking for Dev – he's fine." He chuckled. "For now. He might be hurting a bit, though."

"What did you do to him?" I croaked, feeling tears prick at my eyes.

"He got what's been coming for him for years, lady." He wheezed more than he breathed. I hoped he would choke and drop dead.

"Where is he?"

He laughed again and cocked his head to the side. He narrowed his one good eye on me and then I realized the mistake I'd made coming here in the first place.

"I think you're going to come with me now." The man said taking a step towards me.

I shook my head, fear holding me in a firm grip.

"He cares for you, no doubt." He laughed again. "You'll be a weapon we can use. You know, to get him to do what we want. Perfect."

"I'm not going anywhere with you!"

"You don't have a choice, sweetheart." He took out a small blaster from the inside of his coat and pointed it at me. I stared, dumbfounded. He wasn't going to kill me, I was sure of that. "Say goodnight, baby."

All I remember was a blue streak of lightning, a sharp pain in the back of my head and then blackness.


	19. Chapter 19

I woke up to a chorus of voices. My fingers tingled, my head hurt and I couldn't open my eyes. I was laying on a cold floor and I shivered as the cold seeped through my clothes.

"You bastard, keep away from her!" It was Devon's voice and I wanted to call out for him. But I stayed put, I didn't move. All I did was listen, hoping to gather information.

"Do what you're told to do and she won't get hurt." I recognized the ugly man's voice, the wheezing breathing piece of crap that had stunned me. If I had been another person, I would have jumped him, hurt him in some way – I would have made him pay for what he had done.

But I was just a mere wiry woman with no experience in fighting. I had no idea of this dark new world. It was something out of a holonovel, a cheap movie – this couldn't be real life!

Nothing that had happened in the past months was supposed to be real. I wanted to snap my fingers and wish that everything was back to normal. I wanted my parents back, I wanted my sister back, I wanted things to be normal with Devon.

Just. Normal.

"I think she's awake." This new voice startled me. It was a woman's voice, a voice I knew.

Asya.

She laughed and I heard clicking footsteps coming towards me. Moving wasn't possible yet. My arms and legs tingled as feeling returned. It felt like thousands of needles pricked away at my skin. I yelped as I suddenly felt someone tugging at my hair. I was literally dragged to my legs, wobbly as it were. I could barely make out the surroundings. Everything was a grey blur.

"Welcome back to the land of the living." Asya whispered. I felt her warm breath along my cheek as she leaned closer towards my ear.

"What's going on?" I asked in a gravelly voice.

"You're the weak spot, sweetie." Asya drawled. "Once I realized that Dev was falling for you, I knew what I had to do."

It dawned on me then, that she had set everything into motion. Crying at Devon's place, claiming people wanted to kill her when in fact she was running things alongside these goons. And Devon had suspected it all along, hadn't he?

"So Dev." Asya said nonchalantly. "I need you to do something for me. For us, since you're back in the team and all." She laughed before tugging at my hair again. The stinging pain shot through my scalp, bringing tears to my eyes. I struggled to grab for Asya's fingers entwined in my hair but I couldn't reach. My knees kept giving out underneath me and I fell – she grabbed harder.

"Let go of me." I didn't want to beg. I really didn't but I didn't know what else to do. "Please, let me go."

"I can't do that, sweety." Asya whispered.

Blurry surroundings became focused. It was a small, brightly lit room. The first thing that I really saw was Devon laying on the ground. He was bleeding. His face was swollen. They'd bound his hands behind his back.

Our eyes met and I saw hopelessness and despair. Pain.

He'd given up. It became clear to me that he had indeed given up. What had they done to him, I wondered? He had never struck me as a person to be pushed around, to be pushed over a certain edge and yet…

It was all my fault, wasn't it? They were threatening my life to make Devon do what they wanted. It didn't sit well with me, I couldn't let this happen. Had I listened to him the first place, if I had stayed away from Asya, if I hadn't meddled… maybe all of this wouldn't be happening. Maybe Asya would be gone and things would have different.

"Unbind him." Asya called and the wheezing man walked over to Devon and hoisted him onto his feet. He extracted a short blade from inside his coat and made short work with the binds around his wrists.

He looked awful. Bloodied, bruised – I felt tears prick my eyes just at the sight of him. And the voice inside my head kept repeating that everything was my fault.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't be." Devon said in a low voice and he meant it. He smiled a smile meant only for me. "Everything will be alright."

I wasn't so sure. All this didn't look alright to me. Not by a long shot.

Devon shifted his beautiful blue eyes back to the sister that turned out to be the vilest person I had ever met. I just knew he was going to do something stupid just to protect me.

"Devon, don't." I said firmly.

All he did was shoot me that little cute smile again.

"What do you want, Asya?" He asked slowly, all the while looking at me. For a moment there I though the world had stopped turning. I had hoped a miracle would happen, something that would get us both out of this situation. I wanted time to stop so that we could be together eternally…

"On your next shipment run, you're going on a little side trip."

Devon stood with a straight back, his hands balled to fists at his sides. I could tell he wanted to hurt the people in the room with us, including his sister. The look he shot her was deadly.

And to think I had almost started liking Asya.

"What kind of side trip?"

I heard the woman chuckle. She leaned closer to my ear and I heard her breathing. It made me sick.

"Just a few clicks away from Commenor. A small base on a moon. I need you to drop something off."

Devon narrowed his eyes. "Explain."

"That's all you need to know."

"I need to know the cargo I'm carrying, Asya."

"No." I saw a flick of silver from the corner of my eye. I swallowed as I realized she was holding a small blade and inch by inch, she lifted it towards my throat. "You don't."

"If you don't do what I want," she continued, "if you keep asking questions, I will kill Marrim with my own two hands. I will enjoy it. Every second of her squirming underneath my hold, every second of watching her bleed to death – I will enjoy it." She laughed. "Do as I tell you and she'll live."

Something told me she was lying.

Devon agreed to Asya's terms. I would have fought for him to get away. As desperate as it sounds, I'd lost everything already. If I had known Devon would live, I would have given my life for him. One last courage act, perhaps?

It never came to that.

Asya had one of her burly men drag me to a cell. We passed Devon while I tried to make the man let go of me, all the while staring at Devon, hoping that he would change his mind. It all sounded too simple, to me. There was definitely more behind the cargo shipment. If she had just wanted him to drop something off, she could have asked…

"You'll be fine, Marrim." Devon called with a sad smile. It was the last I saw of him before I was literally thrown into a small, damp room. I wanted to share his positive thinking but I couldn't. I believed he thought the same as I did but to put my mind at ease, he held up this façade. I knew better.

Nothing was going to be fine.


	20. Chapter 20

It was dark and I was cold. I heard water dripping nearby. _Drip. Drip. Drip_. Besides my own breathing, it was the only sound.

I pulled my knees to my chest as I sat on the cold ground, imagining a fire in front of me. My parents used to take Ti'ana and myself on camping trips when we were younger. Ti'ana had loved the outdoors whereas I was more of an indoor kind of girl. I liked running water and a soft, warm mattress rather than dirt, a sleeping bag and insects crawling all over me.

My father would try and make the trip as enjoyable as possible. He would tell us stories involving mysterious creatures, ghosts and monsters. Ti'ana wouldn't fall asleep without to cuddle her. In the end, she would always snuggle underneath my sleeping bag and I would tell her that everything would be alright and that I would protect her.

I had always told her that I would protect her.

I had lied, hadn't I? Not knowingly, of course but I hadn't protected her. If I had, she would still be alive.

Silently I cried. For a while I had thought I'd shed all the tears I could but it seemed there was still a lot inside that needed out. It was only Ti'ana I was crying about but Devon also. What could Asya possibly want with him? And why had he agreed without fighting?

I still couldn't wrap the fact around my mind that he had given up like that. I knew from the bottom of my heart that he was a fighter.

And instantly I felt anger flare up. My tears dried as I imagined wringing Asya's scrawny little neck. I didn't care about Devon's past – it wasn't who he was today but if he went and did what Asya wanted him to, I would lose the Devon I'd met and fallen in love with over the past few weeks.

Yes, I've fallen in love with him.

That small, innocent thought lit the fire inside me that I needed to act. If not for me, then for him – I couldn't sit around and do nothing while he went ahead and ruined his life.

It was the first time in my life that I felt strength course through me, that I had a purpose, that I actually might be able to save someone. If not save a life than perhaps to save Devon from doing something stupid.

Even if it didn't work, it was worth a shot.

I scrambled to my feet and briskly walked to the door. I banged on it with my fists, kicked at it until my toes ached inside my boots. I did everything I could think of to catch someone's attention. I was out of breath when I heard footsteps in the corridor outside, heavy footsteps coming my way. I kept on with my tirade of kicks and punches. The skin along my knuckles cracked open and I felt the tickling of blood running between my fingers.

I stepped back as I heard the quiet swish of the locking mechanism. When the door opened and one of Asya's men stepped in, I wasn't so sure about my plan.

And that's when I realized I didn't even have a plan. There was nothing I could do besides hope, wish, perhaps even pray. I just had to believe that this time luck was on my side.

The man standing in front of me was tall with long blond hair braided down his back. He wore strange goggles on his forehead, the lenses opaque. There was a blaster hanging on his belt along with a knife and something I could only define as a torture instrument. It gleamed in the nearly dark room, twinkled when he moved. Definitely metallic and no doubt it would hurt if plunged into the softer parts of a humans anatomy. A thin, rounded shaft with a tiny blade-like apparatus; like a vibroscalpel.

"You need something?"

I glanced into the face of this new person, surprised at the softness of his voice. "I…uh…"

What to do now? There was no way I could knock him over, he was too big. I could kick him but that wouldn't do me much good because he seemed like the kind of guy who knew how to fight and I doubt he would care about me being a girl.

I wanted that weapon of his. And all of a sudden I felt this rush of adrenaline and I had a purpose. I knew I could grab his weapon but then what?

The answer was obvious. Make sure he can't follow you.

I swallowed bile rising in my throat. I'd never hurt another being before. Was I able to do this?

It wasn't a question of can and how. I had to. I didn't have a choice.

Picturing Devon in my mind, picturing his sweet smile and his kind eyes, knowing that I was doing this for him, I stepped closer to the newcomer and glanced to the floor. I hugged my arms around myself.

"I can't stay here."

"Sorry, but you don't have a choice." He took a step back towards the corridor but I reached out to him with a cry.

"Please, you don't understand!" I grabbed lapels of his vest and held on tightly. I pulled myself forward a bit and only a few inches separated us. He smelled smoky, I noticed, as if he'd been smoking cigars all day long. "It's too cold. And damp." I sniffed and I actually managed to squeeze out a few tears. "The Vong locked me up in a cell like this. I can't…. please… don't lock me back inside."

It was a complete lie, of course. I've never seen a Yuuzhan Vong up close. But I saw a flicker of doubt in his eyes. His face softened a bit and I realized, unlike myself, he had dealt with the Vong up close.

"I can see if we can get you other accommodations."

"I can't go back inside!" I wailed like a child.

He wasn't listening. He pushed me backward and I almost fell. I grabbed onto his arm, digging my nails into bare flesh. The man hissed as I held on tighter and when he went to push me again, I reached forward and ripped the vibroscalpel from his belt. He caught the movement from the corner of his eye but he wasn't fast enough to react.

I held the new weapon in a firm grip and slashed upward. He let go of me, stumbling backward out of my line of attack. His back hit the wall and as stunned as he was, he needed a few seconds to regain composure. I didn't give him those few seconds.

I used the scalpel like a knife and stabbed at his chest. His eyes widened with shock as the silver metal penetrated skin and muscle. Maybe it was luck on my side, but it seemed I'd hit his heart straight on. I took a step back and watched as he sagged to the floor, the scalpel still stuck between his ribs. His hands and feet twitched a few seconds longer while the life in his eyes slowly faded away.

I felt sick to my stomach. I was horrified as I watched him die, blood oozing from the puncture wound. I had killed a man.

Knowing that I had very little time, I fought back tears and holding my breath, reached down towards his belt and took his blaster and the knife.

At least now I had a fighting chance.

Whatever this place was, I thought we were underground. It smelled damp and everywhere my feet took me, I heard dripping water. At least I _hoped_ it was water. Going by the putrid stink, it could have been something else entirely.

Lights above me flickered every so often, giving the entire scenery a scarier atmosphere. I had trouble dealing with the fact that someone would come my way and I'd had have to blast them. It wasn't so much the task of lifting the blaster and pulling the trigger, it was the task of possibly killing this person. I didn't know how to work a blaster so at the time, I didn't know if it was set to stun or to kill. I hoped it was only set to stun because I didn't want to have to take another life.

I came up to a corner and peeked around it as best I could without making a sound. The corridor here was deserted as well. Asya seemed pretty sure of herself, I thought as I kept going. I was certain she wasn't expecting me to break free but how much time did I have until someone discovered the body in front of my cell? Would they sound an alarm, I wondered?

Again I felt fear creep along my spine. I took a deep breath and tried steadying my rapid heartbeat. It was now or never, right?

I stopped in my tracks as I heard voices up ahead. I couldn't understand the words but it seemed to be a heated argument. I walked down the corridor as quietly as I could, staying as close to the wall as possible. The closer I got, the more I could listen in. I recognized Devon's voice, which I took as a very good sign. I breathed a long sigh of relief and smiled just slightly. He was alive and that's what counted.

"You've lost your mind." I heard him say, his voice a deadly whisper.

"It's called profit, brother mine."

"It's called murder."

Asya laughed. "Since when do you care about that?" She asked incredulously and I found myself frowning. "Not like you haven't killed before."

There was a slight pause and when Devon answered, he sounded hoarse. "Those were different times. A different life."

"It's the same life, Devon. You have a chance to be what you used to be and don't you dare tell me you didn't enjoy every second of it."

Devon didn't answer. Not for a long while anyway. I wondered what was going through his mind as I stood there with the blaster in my hand.

"Maybe I did back then. But not anymore."

Asya clicked her tongue. "Too bad. You don't have a choice now."

"You'd kill her? You really would?"

Asya chuckled and I felt a chill run down my spine. "I would do anything to get what I want. You should know that by now."

"She has nothing to do with this."

"She has everything to do with this!" Asya spat and I was more than just a little surprised at the venom I detected in her voice. I had no clue why she could possibly be angry with me. I never did her any wrong, in fact I tried my best to simply stay out of her way.

"You were different before you met her!" Asya cried. "You were fun! You knew what had to be done to get the job done! But now?" There was a long pause and I imagined she was looking him over with contempt in her eyes. "You've grown soft. You're useless. Because you love her, this pathetic little girl who has no clue what real life is about!"

I stared into the near darkness, completely baffled. To me, she sounded jealous. Like a child being denied her favorite playtoy.

Her words played across my mind again.

_Because you love her…_

The blaster felt insanely heavy in my hand. He wasn't denying it so I thought that was a good sign. Did he really love me, I wondered? I would only find out if this whole situation would be resolved so I had to act and I had to act quickly.

Taking a deep breath, I inched closer to the open door. Asya still went on about how I had ruined everything, all her plans for their future together. To me, the woman sounded psychotic. And it seemed she wasn't used to not getting her way.

My first glimpse into the open room showed Asya standing with her back towards me. Devon sat on a chair in front of her, his legs bound to the metal stool and his hands bound in his lap. The bruises on his face looked horrible. His lower lip was cracked and the blood had dried and left a dark streak along his jaw.

There were computer screens in the far left corner, hooked up to glowing devices that beeped. I had no idea what these machines did but the screens showed diagrams and numbers, so I assumed it was something important. They glowed a feint blue, bathing Asya and Devon in an odd color, especially since Devon's bruises seemed even worse in this light. Below the screens I saw my comlink. I remember that I tucked it into my pocket when I had been at Devon's place and obviously they would have taken it from me. It was a glimpse of hope, though.

I swallowed, my throat parched. What to do now? Asya was alone with Devon but I couldn't just shoot her in the back, could I? It didn't seem fair and I wasn't a killer. And somehow I knew, Devon would never forgive me; no matter what Asya did, foremost she was his sister.

So I did the only sensible thing that I could think of.

I lifted the blaster and stepped into the room.

"Get away from him." I said slowly, reveling in the fact that Asya whirled around and stared at me with frightened, big blue eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

I noticed color rising to her cheeks. And realization in her eyes that per plan had failed. I was right in my assumption that she had never in her dreams anticipated me to get out of my little cell and honestly, I couldn't believe it myself.

Was it really just luck?

I wasn't one to believe in fate or destiny but since meeting the Jedi healer, maybe it was possible that the Force was somehow involved. Who knew? But either way, it didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that I had made it this far and that I couldn't afford to mess it up.

"Back away from him." I said slowly, leveling the blaster in her direction, my finger hovering above the trigger.

"How the hell –"

"Shut up." I snapped at her with narrowed eyes. She would not talk. I wouldn't let her.

We circled one another. I deliberately passed the glowing blue screens and reached out for my comlink, letting it fall into the pocket of my coat. I walked behind Devon and with my free hand, I used the knife I had taken from the blond big guy and hurriedly undid the binds around Devon's wrists. I handed him the blade and let him get to work on his legs.

"You can't do this!"

"I told you to shut up!" I raised my voice just a fraction. The more that woman talked, the angrier I became.

Asya held up her hands, palms outward. "You won't get out of here, you know. You'll be dead before you reach the exit."

I knew she wasn't bluffing. Unlike Devon, she was a cold hearted witch. The moment we were out of her sight, she would call on all her goons and they'd stomp on us as if we were insects. I thought about forcing her to come along as a guide, so to speak. I had no idea where the exit was. The corridors looked the same to me and what if one of her men came our way? Would they interfere? Would they even care and kill all three of us?

Devon cut himself loose and took matters into his own hands. I watched with amazement as he stood from the chair and leveled a smoldering gaze on his sister. Even in such a dire situation, I couldn't help noticing how the muscles in his arms bulged when he fisted his hands at his sides. He was beautiful and perfect to me and there was no way in hell I was going to let Asya take him away from me.

There was a moment of tense silence as the siblings stared at each other. And then suddenly it was over so quickly, I blinked away confusion. Devon had moved fast, smashing a fist to the side of her head and she dropped to the floor just like that. I was shocked at first. But ultimately glad that she was down for the moment.

Devon recovered quickly and reached out for my hand. "Come on, we have to go."

I nodded and handed him the blaster, running back along the way I had come. We heard people coming, we rounded a corner so whoever was coming didn't see us. But then we heard the screams and the shouts and I knew that someone had found the body.

"Do you know the way out?" I asked urgently.

He nodded. "Yeah. It's not far. Stay close."

I had the feeling that he knew this place quite well, actually. Depending on his line of work before I knew him, maybe this had been some sort of base of operations. Maybe he'd tell me about it someday. If we made it out.

Which seemed not to be the case.

We ran as fast as we could. I tried to keep up with Devon as he led the way down a winding, ill smelling dimly lit corridor. But then he suddenly stopped and collided with his back. He held the blaster in both hands, pointing it at the disfigured man who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He was huge standing there with his hands in his pockets. He held a cigarra between his malformed thin lips while he smiled at us. His eyes twinkled as if he knew he would enjoy the coming minutes.

"Going somewhere?" He asked, drawing on the cigarra and puffing out sweet smelling smoke. I heard heavy footsteps from behind us and it was instantly clear that we weren't going anywhere. We were trapped, the only way out blocked by the monster that used to be human.

"You need to step out of the way." Devon said, firmly gripping the blaster. His knuckles were white as he leveled the weapon on the man's head.

"Or what? You gonna kill me?"

Devon shrugged nonchalantly, as if this were the most normal thing in the world. "The thought crossed my mind."

"You'd do that?" He asked mildly, reaching up to take the cigarra out of his mouth. She grey smoke twirled upward towards an air ventilation system humming in the background. "You'd blast me? We used to be friends, you know?"

"We used to be a lot of things. But things change. So get out of my way."

The footsteps were getting closer. We were running out of time. Once the others found us, we were goners, I just knew it.

"I can't do that." He smiled, his wrinkled and burned skin tight across his bones. "You still owe me, Dev, and tonight I'm here to collect."

"I owe you nothing. Move."

"You know, if you'd stayed back then, I wouldn't look like this." He gave me a quick glance. "Your girlfriend wouldn't be looking at me as if I were some sort of monster."

I swallowed back a reply and pounded the feeling of suddenly feeling sorry for him.

"We could have run this joint together, you and me. Instead I got stuck with your sister. She doesn't have half the backbone you do. You're fearless and cold. Merciless. That's what we need, Dev. I need you to come back."

"I'm warning you one last time, Kell." Devon said, unfazed by his words. "Move aside."

Realization dawned. This was Devon's old friend, the man he'd been friends with since they were teenage boys. Only a lot had changed and they were no longer the same people. Different lives, different priorities. One with the intent to kill, the other with the intent to live.

"No." Kell answered, his face going completely still.

Devon glanced towards me and I saw sadness in his eyes, deep rooted sadness that tore me apart. I felt my throat constrict as I tried not to cry. I was scared for him and for myself. I wanted us both to live. But what were the chances? Devon had a single blaster and men coming towards us were no doubt heavily armed.

"I need you to run." Devon whispered for only me to hear and I blinked, confused.

"Devon, I'm not –"

"You keep going straight from here on. There's a lift tube and then stairs. When you get to the surface, you run as fast as you can."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was stunned, shocked.

"I won't leave you here." I said slowly, gripping his arm fiercely.

He smiled at me and I felt my heart skip. "I'll be right behind you."

He said it to make me feel better, I knew. To keep my hopes up but I knew better. He was planning on sacrificing himself to save me.

"Devon…" I trembled from head to toe, fighting back an onslaught of emotions I had no time to deal with. "I can't lose you."

"You won't." For a moment it seemed that time had stopped. It was only the two of us, staring at one another, oblivious to the fact that our lives were at stake. Then he turned away and grinned at Kell.

"See you in hell, you karking son-of-a-sith." He pulled the trigger once, twice. The brilliant red flash of light blinded me for a moment and I couldn't see what was happening. But I heard Devon's voice near my ear, pleading for me to run.

"Go, Marrim. I'll meet you top side."

"Devon –"

"Go!"

From the corner of my eye, I saw Kell holding his arm where the blaster bolts had caught him. He was sprawled on the floor, about to get up. From behind us, I saw the other men approaching. Staying there meant certain death. I looked at Devon one last time, hoping he knew how I felt for him. And then I ran like crazy.


End file.
